


Urge

by TheWildChild



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Beating, Dark Past, Investigations, Killing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Questioning, Sexual Content, Shooting, Stabbing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 23:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6632248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWildChild/pseuds/TheWildChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a lot of struggles to be able to reach his goal, Jimmy is now an homicide detective. </p><p>He's investigating a serie of murders which he doesn't seem to be able to resolve. At the same time, what he is most afraid of is catching up on him. He can't tell anyone he knows or the consequences could be drastic. </p><p>He decides to rely on Nick, a man he met a few months before, to be able to cope this emotional time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The third one

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have to say a few things before you can begin. This is a story I'm working on since last week for which I have two differents endings for now so I'll have to make a choice, it'll depend of what you guys want or hope I guess but we're not there yet anyway. One will (maybe -if i have inspiration-) give me an occasion to make a serie out of this story, the other one will just end it.  
> I might not update it really fast at first, I'm still working on another fiction, "Disbeliever", a Casifer fic, feel free to check it out. *shameless self-promotion*  
> Also, english is not my first language so I hope I don't make too much mistakes.  
> I don't quite remember what else I had to say, I think that's all. I hope you guys will enjoy. Feel free to comment. :)

The rain was strongly hitting the motel's windows. One of the rooms was slightly lighted by its weak lamp and filled with two man's moans. They were on the bed, Nick laying on his back and Jimmy on him, having the time of his life. Nick was holding the younger man's waist between his fingers, thrusting in him. Jimmy, as for him, had his hands on the blond's shoulders, moving at the other man's hips' rhythm and moaning louder everytime Nick's erection was hitting his soft spot. They were sweating and enjoying this one-night-stand, knowing it wouldn't last. But they also knew it would probably happen again. It was already the third time, actually. It happened a few months before and when Jimmy went back to the bar and ran into Nick for the second time, they had sex again. A week later only, they met again but Jimmy was sober this time. They just wanted to have a good time and they were. Jimmy came first, being down to his last ounce of strength. He let Nick continue his movements in him though, this one making them roll on the bed to let Jimmy lay on his back, his legs spread to let Nick snuggle up to him. Jimmy was exhausted by his efforts but he wanted Nick to reach the orgasm so he kept touching the man's body. He was biting and kissing Nick's neck when he felt the man coming in him in a long and hoarse moan. God, it felt good.

They took a minute before Nick let his body fall next to Jimmy's. They were both staring at the ceiling, trying to catch their breath. Their body were wet because of the sweat, their hair were messy, their chest were moving up and down at a fast rhythm and their pupils were dilated because of their last activity.

"Oh my god..." Jimmy whispered between two fast breath.

"Yeah..." Nick said in return with a little laugh, still dazed. It had been awesome. It had been a long time since the last time he had so much pleasure while having sex. He closed his eyes and swallowed when a ringtone made him frown. He opened his eyes and raised his head a bit, glancing at Jimmy who was leaning over the edge of the bed as he was trying to take his phone in his pants.

"Come on now, it's my day off..." He said as he made a face when he saw who was calling. Nick let his head fall against the pillow again, wondering what was Jimmy's job. It was three in the morning, for god's sake. Jimmy picked up anyway. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to wake you up, man." The guy at the other end of the line said. Jimmy glanced at Nick and restrained a laugh.

"What is it?" He simply asked, already slightly annoyed.

"We found another one." The man answered, hearing Jimmy sighing.

"What the hell, it's the third one already." He said as he sat down on the mattress, Nick studying his every moves. He stayed silent, he just let his eyes on the man who was leaving the bed to walk towards the bathroom. He let his sight deviate on his ass before he looked at the ceiling again. The light of the bathroom was turned on and Jimmy closed the door. Well, it was probably time to leave. He sighed, tired, and he grabbed his boxers at the end of the bed to put it back on. He then heard the shower going on and thought he would take one once back at his place. He got out of the bed and grabbed his pants to put it on, feeling his own phone in his pocket. He glanced at the bathroom's door.

In the shower, Jimmy was thinking about two things. The first one was that he should probably use a condom the next time. Who knows with who Nick could be sleeping with between the times they were having sex. The second thing was the phone call. It was the third body in two weeks. He didn't want the FBI to be working on the case too, it was his and he would find the murderer by himself. Or with his partner too, whatever. But they didn't have anything about the killer. He sighed, getting out of the shower. When he walked out of the bathroom, Nick wasn't there anymore. It didn't bother Jimmy, he would probably be heading back home too if he didn't have to go to the crime scene. He put his clothes on, letting the towel on the ground and he noticed a pack of cigarettes on the bedside table. He took it between his fingers and examined it. "If you get stressed-out again" was written on it and a phone number was under the note. He smirked and took the pack with him as he left the motel to go in his car. He put the empty pack in the glove box and looked at the address his partner had sent him to drive there. It was still raining when he reached the motel where the crime happened. He took the jacket on his backseat and get out of his car, running towards the hotel. He showed his badge to one of the cop and walked in the room . He saw his partner looking at the corpse, near the forensic pathologist.

"You're here." Dean said, looking at Jimmy. This one only glanced at him, his attention being totally caught by the corpse almost falling from the edge of the bed. As usual, a lot of blood was around the dead body with three stab wounds on his back. Jimmy slowly put his hands in his jean's pockets. "What is it, dude, tired?" Dean asked with a laugh. Actually, he wasn't sure he woke his partner up. He wasn't dressed that casually when he was working, even when he had to get up in the middle of the night. Plus, he could see a red mark on his neck. He smiled a bit, ready to make some remarks.

"Stop staring at me and brief me." Jimmy said, annoyed already. Dean kept his thoughts for himself, Jimmy wasn't in the mood, clearly, so he glanced at the corpse. It was almost best to wait until Jimmy had his coffee.

"Balthazar Roché, forty-three. The guy's a businessman, not the motel type. I found his wallet, no cash left if there was any. Like the others, he's married with a woman, useless to say he was searching for something else in here. And he has two kids." Dean explained.

"So, same M.O. and we know that his DNA is useless because he's not in the database, our vic is the one who signed the register, the guy left by the opened window and the guy at the entrance probably didn't even pay attention to him when he came in."

"Yeah, I asked if they had a footage but the guy said people like the vic came here to have a good time without anyone knowing, they don't have any camera." Dean said. Jimmy sighed, once again. It was useless. They wouldn't find anything and they both knew it. Uriel, the pathologist, stood up.

"I'm heading back to the morgue with this poor bastard. I'll call you when I'm done." He said to the detectives. Jimmy nodded, not focused on the man but on the room. He took a few steps back. There was a lot of blood for the three cuts he had. And when the killer made those cuts, the man should have been laying on the mattress already. He glanced at the corpse when they turned it. He had other stab wounds on the torso and another one on the neck.

"What a psycho..." Jimmy whispered, still looking at the cuts. 

"Tell me 'bout it." Dean added, staring at the corpse. "Uriel told me he stabbed him a few times but not to kill him. That's why there's blood on the ground. He let him fall on the bed, stabbed in him the back then he cut his his throat." He explained. Because of the superficial wounds on each body, the duo had concluded the guy had some sort medical knowledges. He always knew where to stab to make suffer and bleed but not enough to kill the victim.

"Since when he's there?" Jimmy asked, following the traces of blood going on the bed with his eyes. The covers were soaked mostly from the cut of the throat that made him bleed to death.

"Approximately thirty-six hours. Uriel said he would know exactly with the autopsy. He had a symbol almost erased on the back of his hand, it's from a gay bar not far from here. Her wife signaled he was missing but the cops didn't do anything for a grown up man that disappeared for twenty-four hours at that time. We called her, she's on her way to the precinct."

Jimmy didn't say anything, he wasn't a really talkative person when he didn't feel like it was useful to talk. Let alone when he was on a crime scene, he was always really focused. He was glancing at different spots of the room. On the bed, the blood on the ground, the opened bathroom, the opened window but mostly at the blood. "You go back home. I'm going to talk to the wife. You're going to go to the bar first thing in the morning." He said, walking towards the door.

"You're sure, man? I can come with you." Dean said, following him.

"Aren't you supposed to drive Ben to school tomorrow? I thought Lisa had to work earlier. You should use some sleep." Jimmy answered. He had nothing to do of his own, his night was over since a while now. He didn't want Dean to leave the precinct a few hours later and have an accident because he was tired. He felt Dean's hand hitting his back. The guy was never paying attention at the strength he was using.

"You're right. I see you later." He said. They got out of the motel and Dean walked towards his Impala. Jimmy stayed on the sidewalk, watching the man leaving before he walked to his car to go to the precinct. He sat down, closed the door and closed his eyes. He swallowed his saliva before he looked down at his shaking hands. He could feel his heart beating in his chest and he took a long breath. He let his hands rest on the wheel, looking in front of him. He hated when this was happening so he started driving, trying to make the images from the crime scene leave his thoughts. When he arrived, he parked his car in front of the precinct, and stared at the building, the rain falling on his car. He now had to confront the widow.

 

"I am really sorry for your loss." Jimmy said to Balthazar's wife, handing her a kleenex. She took it to wipe her tears before she blew her nose in it. She nodded a bit, looking down.

"W-What happened?" She asked with a shaky voice. Jimmy pursed his lips.

"Misses Roché, I don't think-"

"What happened to my husband?" She asked again, looking up at Jimmy. Their eyes met but she ended up looking down again. Jimmy kept his blue eyes on her. She wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.

"We... Found your husband in a motel room... He had been stabbed repeatedly." He said. He heard a sob from the wife but he kept staring at her. "I'm sorry."

"I... What was he doing in a motel? He told me he had to work late and never came back... Don't tell me he..." She said, horrified. Jimmy stayed silent a moment and she started to cry again. He knew he should put a hand on her shoulder or something to make her know she wasn't alone but he wasn't really used to that so he didn't. It was more Sam's field. But the guy was a lawyer, not a cop. She looked at him again. "Where is she? Are you going to interrogate her? I want to see her." She said. Jimmy cleared his throat.

"Misses. It..." He began, searching the right words. He knew he had to have some tact, which wasn't really something he was using easily. "I'm sorry. For everything that happened. We are not going to interrogate the person he was with because... It's probably the person who killed him and we don't know where he is yet." He said. The wife sobbed again, realizing that her husband cheated on her with a man and that the same man killed him.

"Please... Find the monster who did that..." She whispered between sobs.

"I promise you I will find him." Jimmy said. He was also promising that to himself. He wanted to arrest him as soon as possible.

He asked more questions to the widow, to know more about the victim. They had to determine if the killer was following some sort of pattern or if he was just killing people he was sleeping with for fun.

 

He was still in the precinct when Dean came back that day with coffees. Jimmy was leaning against his desk, his arms crossed. He was staring at his white board in front of him where photos of the victims and the crime scenes were. The space for the clues was almost empty. They just wrote some informations. They knew the guy was tall, they weren't sure for his hair though or for any other features because it was usually dark and there were always a lot of people in those places. Plus, he always seemed to know where the camera were placed.If people were seeing him a lot in those bars, they probably weren't paying attention to him anymore.

"You look awful, dude." Dean said with a big grin.

"Yeah, I bet I do." Jimmy mumbled, taking his coffee without looking at his partner. He was still looking at the board even if he knew it wasn't going to say who killed those people. "Did you went to the bar?"

"Yeah, I did. And you know what the guy said? "Duuude... There's like... A whole lot of people that comes every night." So, you know. But I had access to the cameras." Dean said, the last sentence making Jimmy turn his head.

"What did you see?"

"That the guy know how to hunt. He knew where the cameras are, I couldn't see his face. The vic was drunk, clearly, and he seemed to have fun with the guy. He talked in his ear, the vic agreed and he left the bar together. The vic did the same a few minutes after." He explained. Jimmy's hopes were reduced to nothing.

"So. We're back at square one." He said. Dean nodded.

"He has to make a mistake, man." He concluded. "Speaking of that, dude, what's with the hickey?" He asked with the same big smile. Jimmy rolled his eyes, his fingers automatically going on his neck. There was no connection between the two conversations, of course, Dean just wanted to know about that.

"It's nothing." He said.

"Right. Come on, tell me about it." Dean asked again. Jimmy sighed and took a sip from his coffee.

"It's nothing serious, Dean, can't I have fun sometimes?" He asked

"That is wild, Jimmy." Dean said, joking.

"Yeah, well, we've got a stressful job, I just needed to relax. But see, I can't even do that properly without you calling me."

"Now, tell me about this mysterious person." Dean said with a smirk. He knew Jimmy was gay but they weren't talking about that in the precinct. They were working in a macho field so he was keeping his private life for himself. Sam was actually the first who knew, and if he wasn't that open-minded, Dean would have take the information in a slightly different way, probably. He was showing a lot how manly he was, Jimmy wasn't blaming him though but always wondered if the guy wasn't bi. He talked about it with Sam and he said that he didn't know because if it was the case, Dean was not even in the closet anymore but in Narnia because of their father. Before he met Lisa, he was flirting with every single girl he could see. Dean had been confused when he learned Jimmy was gay. But growing up with Sam had made Dean more open-minded and he was okay with his friend's sexuality.

"I'm not talking about him." He said.

"Oh, defensive much? It means you saw him more than once, am I right? What is it like? Friend with benefits?" Dean said. He couldn't stop asking questions, he wanted to know and he liked to tease his friend.

"I'm not... Defensive, Dean. I'm not even friend with him, we just..." He looked down. "Have some good time, that's all." He mumbled, sitting at his desk.

"Now that's adorable." Dean said, accentuating some syllables, as usual when he was using this tone. He was mainly joking but in a way, he was serious.

"Leave me alone, we have work to do." Jimmy said, rolling his eyes before he took a sip of his coffee. It was still warm and it made him smile.

 

They were working since at least an hour on their paperwork, a thing Jimmy hated to do, when Jimmy noticed a man in a suit walking directly towards the captain's office. He frowned but looked down again at his papers. That a few minutes after that the men got out of the office.

"Novak, Winchester." A voice called. Jimmy looked up and Dean turned his head to see the two men walking towards them.

"What is it?" Dean asked, getting up. Jimmy didn't move, staring the the black man in the suit. He knew what was going on.

"This is FBI Agent Victor Henriksen, he will work with you on the case." Sonny said. "Agent, this is Dean Winchester and James Novak." He said, glancing at Jimmy. This one finally stood up and walked towards Dean's desk. Victor shook Dean's hand before he glanced at Jimmy. the FBI Agent glanced at Jimmy's hand but didn't shook it. Their eyes met.

"Novak, huh? Nice to finally meet you." He said with a little smile impling he already knew everything about him. Then, he finally shook Jimmy's hand. This one never looked down, instead he kept staring at Victor.

"I would say the same to you but I don't know you." He said instead of saying " _i would say the same to you if you weren't already a real pain in the ass_ ". Dean and Sonny were somehow uncomfortable, the guys' hands still joined. Victor finally freed Jimmy's and this one put his hands in his pockets, still staring at Victor who walked past him to go see the white board.

"Is that all?" He asked, glancing at Jimmy. Dean did the same, feeling bad for his friend.

"Yeah." Jimmy said. the atmosphere was tense around the four men. Jimmy walked towards his desk, took a file and handed it to Henriksen, meeting his eyes again but not saying anything. Victor took the file and smiled at Jimmy.

"I'm gonna go brief my men." He said. He then walked past Jimmy, this one's eyes following him before he stared in front of him. He waited for Victor to shake Sonny's hand and to walk out before he turned around.

"So, the feds, huh?" Dean asked, going back to his desk.

"Well, we're stuck with three corpses and going nowhere with that." The captain sighed. "Novak." He then said, glancing at the cop. He showed his office with his head before he turned around. Still with his hands in his pockets, Jimmy followed him. Sonny opened the door and closed it when Jimmy walked in. He then went to sit at his desk, showing the chair in front of it with his hand, looking at Jimmy. This one was staring at his boss but didn't move, waiting to hear what he had to say. Sonny's eyes met Jimmy's for a few seconds before he crossed his arms, leaning against the back of his seat. "If you don't want to work with him, I can let the case to Dean only." He said.

"I'm fine." Jimmy said right when Sonny finished his sentence.

"I need you to be honest, James. Are you, really?" He asked. Jimmy kept staring at him in silence but in his mind, a lot of thing were said. " _This asshole just know my file probably by heart and mock me, why wouldn't I be fine?_ ", " _Did he work on that fucking case at that time?_ ", " _Am I allow to punch him right in the face?_ "

"I'm fine." He repeated. Sonny kept looking at him for a while and then he let him leave the room. Jimmy walked to his desk and sat, finally removing his hands from his pockets. They were shaking again but his face wasn't showing anything.

"You alright?" Dean asked, looking at his friend from above the paper he had in his hands. Jimmy slowly closed his eyes, he wanted to hit something and he probably would if someone asked him again how he was doing.

"I'm fine." He said, a bit more cold, before he tried to focus on his paperwork again.


	2. The apple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys, hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

"Since he's following the same m.o., it's the only way we have to have something efficient finally happening." Victor said after he explained what he planned to do. He wanted to place as an employee and FBI agent in every motel in the area of the crimes. Some of these agents and others cops from the precinct were around him to listen. Jimmy was next to Dean, annoyed like he was every time Victor was around. He turned around to go to his desk, seeing Sonny leaning against it, his arms crossed. Jimmy glanced at him before he went to sat on his chair. His boss turned around, put his hands on the edge of the desk and stared at the best cop he had in this precinct. 

"You shouldn't act like this, James." He said.

"He shouldn't act like the smartass he is but I don't see anyone saying anything." He said, staring at his papers but not writing anything. Sonny tilted his head.

"Come on, son. You know how the feds are sometimes. You can't play this little game of his. You're better than that. The case is almost closed anyway, he's gonna leave and everything will be back to normal." He said. Jimmy slowly looked up. Yeah, this asshole was about to close his case. He stared at his papers again.

"Whatever." He replied. He heard Sonny sighing before Dean arrived.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked Jimmy. The cop glanced at Dean, then at Sonny before he stood up and walked with Dean towards this one's desk. Sonny walked back in his office, followed by Henriksen. "I found what you asked." Dean said as he sat down. Jimmy stood behind him, crossing his arms. He asked Dean to search some things on the FBI agent. The only reason he didn't do it by himself was that he knew the guy was probably keeping an eye on his every moves. 

"What did you find?"

"Well, he didn't work on your father's case, that's one thing. He was twenty-three at that time, he wasn't a fed yet but..." Dean said. He stopped talking, running his fingers through his hair. "Dude, his father was working on it." He said, slowly turning his head to try to see Jimmy, this one still behind him. So, that's why Victor's name reminded him of something. He felt his heart skipping a beat and he moved to come next to his partner, leaning a bit to look at the computer screen. There was a photo of Victor twenty years before. Like Dean said, he was only a cop at that time. There was some informations about him and next to that, there was another file. Jimmy gritted his teeth. "His father was killed during the arrest." Dean almost whispered, glancing at Jimmy. There was a picture of an article with a family photo of Victor with his mother, his father and his little brother, all smiling. And suddenly, this perfect image had been broken by his father's death. Jimmy understood everything. Like always, Dean couldn't tell what the man was thinking but he knew he was thinking about a lot of things. Jimmy was staring at the father, remembering when he opened his door to see this man. At that time, he was only thirteen and he didn't know why an FBI agent would knock at his door to see him and his mother. 

"Shut that down." He said as he stood up straight again, hearing Victor talking to Sonny when this one opened his office. 

"Novak." Sonny called. Jimmy turned around and saw his boss making a little gesture with his head to ask him to come in. Jimmy glanced at Dean who was staring at Victor behind the window of the captain's office and he finally looked at his partner when he saw this one walking in the office. Sonny closed the door and glanced at Dean before he put the blind down. 

"What is it?" Jimmy asked, his hands in his pockets and standing near the door. He was talking to Sonny only, not even glancing at Victor. He didn't want to acknowledge his presence because he didn't want to talk or be near him. Since he was there, Dean already complained a few times about Jimmy's bad mood but he couldn't help it, the agent was a pain in the ass and was proud of it.

"He wants to have a talk with you." Sonny answered, sitting at his desk and looking at Victor. This one was next to the desk, his arms crossed. Jimmy restrained himself from rolling his eyes. Did the guy complain about Jimmy's behavior? He was doing his work, bad mood or not. Jimmy should be the one complaining.

"I'd like your opinion on this case." Victor said, surprising Jimmy who finally looked at him. He frowned, showing he wasn't understanding Victor's intentions. "I don't really like you, in fact I despise you, but it doesn't mean I don't acknowledge you as a good cop. I know your the best of your department. It doesn't surprise me either, you probably know how to recognize killers when you see them... Now." He said, slowly walking towards Jimmy.

"I'm not sure that is a compliment." He replied, staring at Victor.

"Take it as one." The agent said, stopping in front of Jimmy. This one glanced at Sonny during a second, his boss wasn't moving from his chair. He was looking at Victor, the back of the agent facing him. It meant a lot of things. Jimmy knew Sonny well and if Victor was crossing the line, he would be looking at Jimmy and not at the agent. So, Jimmy looked at the man in front of him again. "Now, tell me what you think about the case." He said. It looked like he was studying Jimmy's reaction but hiding it was what Jimmy could do best.

"I think you don't look at it like you should. He's not playing around, I think he's probably smarter than anyone in this precinct and that your plan is going to have not one but two people killed." Jimmy answered. "The guy he will want to kill at first as well as one of your agents." He concluded. Victor stayed silent during a moment before he turned around.

"How would you do it, then?" He asked.

"I would wait for him to make a mistake."

"Are you not taking the body count in account? If you wait for that, you will not have only two corpses added to the three you're already stuck with." Victor said, standing in front of the window.

"It's all over the news. It is not my problem if some people are not smart enough to avoid doing what we ask them not to do to make them avoid a certain death." Jimmy replied. That was the only moment Sonny glanced at him. He never liked when Jimmy was talking this way. The atmosphere became even more tense with this answer. It took a minute for Victor to talk again. He couldn't be seen but he had a small smile on his face. He crossed his arms.

"You talk like him." He said. Jimmy gritted his teeth. "You don't care about the victims. You don't care about my agents either. You care about catching him and it doesn't matter if it takes years. That's reckless."

"I'm not the one giving the orders so it is not." He calmly replied. Victor's smile became bigger as he turned around and walked towards Jimmy again. He kept coming closer but Jimmy didn't move backwards. He let Victor be as close as he wanted to be.

"I know how it works in this head of yours." He whispered with the same smile. "I watched everything. Every interrogations, I read every single report, I know all about the case. You two are so alike that it is in fact disgusting. No wonder you're not the one giving the orders. But that's what I need. You are an asset here, you are the best here. Why do you think your boss accepted you in the precinct? He knows you probably think like them. Like all those killers." He said. He could see Jimmy's jaw clenching even if he was keeping the same impassive expression. The agent came a bit closer. "Like your father." He finally whispered with a smirk. That's when Jimmy snapped. He removed his hands from his pockets, grabbed Victor's collar and pushed him until he could press him against a furniture with all his strength. Furious, he still had the man's collar between his fingers. 

"You shut the fuck up!" He shouted. Sonny had react directly and was already near the men. He grabbed Jimmy's shoulders and pulled him, coming in front of him. All they could see on his face now was anger. Jimmy was breathless and wanted to punch the agent right in the face. He was not like his father. He was refusing to believe he was in any way like him, even if he had almost the same appearance. Sonny kept his hands on Jimmy's chest to keep him away. The cop didn't car about his boss asking him to calm down, he was looking at Victor who slowly stood up straight again, fixing his tie and laughing gently.

"The apple didn't fall too far from the tree, did it?" He asked, amused.

"Jimmy!" Sonny shouted. He wasn't ever using his nickname, he was either calling him Novak or James. But like that, he caught his attention. "You go home, now." Sonny said strictly. Jimmy was no good today and he wouldn't be able to focus anymore. He kept staring at Jimmy's eyes for a moment before this one grabbed his wrists to make him remove his hands from his chest. He walked backwards, giving Victor a glare before he turned around. He opened the door and didn't care about closing it as he walked out the office, all eyes on him. He grabbed his jacket when he walked past his desk and left the precinct. 

Once he was out, he stopped on the sidewalk and took a deep breath, steam coming out of his nose and his mouth. He looked around him, people walking by. He was angry, frustrated and he just couldn't take it anymore. His life had always been like that. He hardly find a job in a precinct. Once again, he had been rejected everytime he tried like when he was a teenager, when he was only seen as the son of a famous serial killer. Then, Sonny hired him, trusted him and now Jimmy's temper was ruining everything. He walked int the alley next to the precinct, gritting his teeth. He run his hands through his hair, pacing up and down. Victor's words were all he could think about. " _Like your father_ ".

He hit the wall with his fist in a desperate attempt to let his anger go. It didn't even hurt, his body was full of adrenaline.

 

"You're busy?" Jimmy asked, laying on his couch and on the phone. "It's okay if you are. I just... you know."

"Yeah, no, can you give me about an hour?" Nick answered at the other end of the line.

"Yeah sure, no big deal." Jimmy answered with a little smile. Sweet. He needed some distraction.

"So. Motel?" The man asked. Jimmy didn't feel like going out. He just wanted the man to come directly there.

"Nah, no need of a crappy motel, I'll send you my address. Is that alright for you?"

"Yeah, sure, let's do that." Nick said. "I gotta go but wait for me." He said and Jimmy could feel the man had a smile on his lips, probably his usual smirk.

"Sure thing." Jimmy answered before he hung up.

Nick arrived approximately half an hour later. Jimmy opened to him and let him enter. It was weird. He knew he invited the man just to have sex and now he was uncomfortable. Maybe he should have go to a motel. But Nick got the control of the situation, he directly pressed Jimmy against the door to close it, his lips kissing his jaw. Jimmy smiled, running his fingers through the man's hair. He felt Nick's lips going down on his neck to kiss it and slowly lick it before he suddenly raised his head to look at Jimmy. This one, surprised, raised his eyebrows.

"What is it?" He asked. Nick kept looking at him for a few seconds before he frowned. Something was off.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He seemed really serious. Actually, Jimmy was surprised. He had been in different beds three times with this guy but it seems like he was seeing him for the first time. He didn't know if it was because the two first times, he was drunk or because it was the first time they had a proper lighting but he found the man really attractive. He lost himself in his blue eyes during a while, his hand still in his hair. After a moment, he blinked, noticing he never answered Nick. He looked away, frowning when he felt his cheeks being a bit warmer.

"What do you mean?" He asked, almost mumbling.

"Do you want to have sex?" Nick asked, still very calm but still frowning. Jimmy looked at him, now somehow embarrassed.

"Well, I called you for that." He said before he cleared his throat. Nick raised one of his eyebrow as he tilted his head a bit. He wasn't getting the same vibe he usually had when they were about to sleep together. Of course, they didn't know each other very well but he was somehow really observant and reacted a lot to physical contact. That's why he knew right away it shouldn't work this way. He didn't move though, he stayed against the man, his hands on his waist.

"That is not my question." Nick said. It lasted one second but he caught Jimmy looking down before he met his eyes again. Now, the cop looked distressed. "Tell me what it is." He said. That was so weird, Jimmy had never met someone like him. It was like he was seeing inside him. But it wasn't really that, Nick was way too observant. He could notice every single detail in someone's expression. He could read body language very well, probably too much but it made him able to act consequently. Nick raised one of his hand to remove the one Jimmy had in his hair and he looked at it. It was injured. His skin was red and there was a cut. "You didn't call because you're stressed but because you're angry. Am I right?" He said, staring at Jimmy's hand. This one took it back, looking away.

"How do you know?" Jimmy asked, not answering Nick. This one met his eyes again.

"The way you touched my hair." He said. Jimmy frowned.

"What?"

"Well, that's it. You touched them. You didn't grab them like you did the other times." Nick said. Jimmy looked down again. Nick was talking about all of that way more casually than Jimmy could ever do it. The blond looked down to see Jimmy's hand, this one hiding it with the fingers of the other one. "You should take care of that."

"It doesn't hurt." The cop said.

"Mmh... Let me take care of it. Where's your bathroom?" He asked. Jimmy met his eyes again before he slowly made his way to the bathroom, followed by the blond. Once in the bathroom, Nick made Jimmy sit on the edge of the bath while he searched after what he needed. He examined his hand before he shook his head. "You barely even washed it." He said, starting to take care of Jimmy's hand. This one was staring at Nick but looked away when the blond looked up. "Tell me what happened." He asked before he looked at the hand again.

"Nothing." Jimmy said without articulating. He didn't really want to talk about that.

"I don't know why but I don't buy it." He said and Jimmy smiled a little, his eyes going on Nick again.

"Okay, if you prefer; it's nothing that really matters." He told Nick.

"Come on, you should talk about it. If you don't, you're going to think about it all night long and never stop being angry." He said. Jimmy didn't say anything, he really didn't want to talk about it. And at the same time, he thought about how great it would be to tell how angry he was, to let it go for once. Nick raised his head again. "Just so you know, I don't really do angry sex." He said. Jimmy blushed again but kept looking at Nick who smiled a bit, teasing the man. He stood up, putting his hands on his hips. "Here, that's better already." He said. Jimmy looked at his hand, the injured part covered by a band. He slowly opened and closed his fingers before he looked at Nick.

"You deserve a drink." He said with a smile.

"Of course I do." Nick said before he turned around to leave the bathroom.

 

Nick was almost done with his beer, sitting on one side of the couch with Jimmy sitting on the other side. They were in front of each other and Nick was listening to the cop. He learned some things with all that. First, his job. An homicide detective. He also learned a few things about his temper. He found that hot, in a way. But Jimmy had refused to tell him the reason of his anger, he just told him about Victor, not his words. Nick glanced at the little table in front of the couch. There was a newspaper from a few days before and a picture of Balthazar was on the first page. 

"Is that the case you're working on?" He asked, pointing at the newspaper with his bottle before he took a sip, glancing again at Jimmy. This one looked at the paper but didn't answer right away. "If you must know, before you say no, you just told me that you're looking after a serial killer and you keep a three days old newspaper talking about a serial killer somewhere you can always see it. So yeah, it's that case you're working on." He said before taking a sip again. Jimmy smiled, turning his head towards Nick.

"Can you not interpret everything I say or do?" He asked, amused.

"Nah." Nick said before he winked, drinking the end of his beer. He then put it on the newspaper, right on Balthazar's picture and he moved to be a bit closer to Jimmy.

"What are you, an undercover cop?" He asked, still smiling. He tilted his head, putting his elbow on the back of his couch and letting his head rest against his hand.

"Nope." Nick simply said.

"So what are you?" He asked. Nick shrugged.

"Nothing, really. Almost a shrink at some point though. But in the end, a simple barman."

"How come?" Jimmy asked, surprised. Why someone doing this kind of studies would end up a barman?" Again, Nick shrugged.

"I had to move and since then, I never really stayed at one place. But now I'm here, I have a job and... Well, here I am, on your couch." He said with a small smile. Jimmy looked at him during a moment.

"So, where are you living?"

"In a crappy motel." He said before he winked at the cop. Jimmy remembered his remark about the crappy motel earlier that night.

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant... You know." He tried to say.

"Yeah, I know, don't worry 'bout that." Nick answered. "So, did our little session helped you calm down?" He asked. Jimmy nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, actually. You were right."

"Yeah, well, I only state facts." He said. Jimmy narrowed his eyes before he leaned towards Nick, their lips meeting. They both closed their eyes, Nick kissing back directly. Jimmy's tongue slowly lick the blond's lips and this one opened his mouth to let their tongue play together, his hand going in Jimmy's hair to pull him a bit closer. Then, the cop broke the kiss and stood up. He took Nick's hand and made him stand up too before he walked backwards with a little smirk. He turned around, pulling Nick with him. 

 

When Jimmy woke up because of his alarm, he was somehow glad to see Nick didn't leave. And he apparently was an heavy sleeper. He smiled a little and got out of the bed to take a clean boxer and pants that he directly put on. He didn't woke up Nick but he took his phone and walked out of the room. He had two missed call from his boss. He sighed and turned the coffee machine on, calling him back.

"Novak?" Sonny said when he picked up.

"Yeah, um... Sorry for yesterday, I didn't hear my phone." He said with a smirk. Actually, Sonny was glad he didn't answer that day, he was probably still angry at that time.

"How are you feeling, James?" He asked. Jimmy pursed his lips and glanced at his hand.

"Better." He simply said before he turned his head towards the table. He almost jumped with surprise when he saw Nick, shirtless too and half asleep, rubbing one of his eyes.

"Look, I'm..." He began, pointing at the coffee machine to ask Nick if he wanted one. This one nodded and slowly sat on one of the chair around the table. Jimmy looked in front of him again, taking another cup. "I'm sorry, for yesterday. I know I shouldn't even dare to apologize, I crossed the line, I just-"

"Look, James. That's what he wanted and I know that. I'm not stupid." Sonny replied. Jimmy smiled a bit, taking a first cup to put it on the table in front of Nick. He then took his own and sat down.

"So... It's okay if I come today, right?"

"Yeah. You have to come, you're a part of the team." Sonny said before he sighed. "I didn't let him go like nothing happened, you know. He just..."

"Has authority... I know." Jimmy said, glancing at Nick who was slowly taking a sip of his coffee. He kept looking at the man. He was really manly but at the same time, seeing him drinking with his messy hair and his two hands around the cup was cute. "It's okay. I will mostly try to contain myself. I really am sorry." He said.

"I know you are, son. I see you later." He said before he hung up. Jimmy put his phone on the table before he took a sip of his coffee, still looking at Nick. He felt himself smiling as he drank, the other man looking like he was only noticing he ended up at the table by the way he was looking at the furniture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems like the relationship is not the main part of the story but it is actually a biiiig part of it and you will understand later why I focus more on Jimmy for now.  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. :)  
> I hope I didn't let too much mistakes, I don't have my computer anymore (RIP my friend, I will join you in Hell one day don't you worry 'bout that) so it's really hard for me to do everything on my phone !


	3. Tension

Jimmy was sitting on his chair, his legs resting on his desk. It was the middle of the night and he was bored as hell. He was done with his paperwork since a while now but not Dean, who was always really slow when it came to this. It seemed like the killer was taking his time to strike again and Jimmy couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't because he knew about the agents. At least, Jimmy knew he would have notice them. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe it was just because he could tell when agents were undercover since he was sometimes dealing with those situations, so maybe it was just him, maybe the killer wouldn't see them. Jimmy couldn't tell himself that, he was sure the guy was way smarter than this stupid Henriksen. Because of his plan, either the killer would stop killing until they give up, or he would leave the town and kill somewhere else. The only hope Jimmy had, even if it meant someone else had to die, was that killing was maybe something the killer couldn't resist to. He hoped his predator instincts would be stronger than himself. Jimmy stopped staring at the ceiling and tilted his head to try and see Dean behind his own desk. He took a piece of paper which he rolled to make a ball and he threw it in Dean's direction. It landed on his desk and Dean looked up.

"Can you not?" He said before he started to write again. Jimmy did it once again with a small smile, only to hear Dean sigh. "Dude, seriously?" He asked, throwing the ball of paper at Jimmy.

"Wanna take a break?" Jimmy asked.

"I need to finish that. I'd like to go home. What are you still doing here anyway?"

"Well, nothing, obviously." He said with a smirk. Dean stared at his friend before he leaned on his seat and crossed his arms.

"Okay. Distract me." He said.

"Good!" Jimmy said with a smile as he clapped his hands together once. He stood up and walked towards Dean's desk to sit on the chair next to it,where the suspects, the witnesses or the victims were usually sitting. "Okay so, here's my problem. What does it mean when someone kiss you goodbye?" He asked. Dean frowned, looking at his partner.

"I need you to be more specific, dude." He said with a little smile, almost sure he knew what his friend was talking about though. Jimmy sighed and looked away.

"Remember the guy I talked to you about like two weeks ago?"

"Yeah, I remember... The guy. You should give me a name because "the guy" is not gonna work when I will be gossiping about you with Sammy." He said, laughing.

"Shut up." Jimmy said with a little smile, rolling his eyes. "Nick." He added after a few seconds.

"Nick it is. So, keep going."

"Well, Nick... I see him more often. And I talk to him more often. I mean... He slept at my place and I call him sometimes. And he slept at my place again last night and when he left... Well, he was half asleep but he... Kissed me." Jimmy explained.

"Yeah... And?" Dean said. Jimmy frowned.

"Well, that's it. He kissed me." Jimmy repeated. Dean just stared at him, not seeing what the problem was. Jimmy sighed. "We don't Kiss, Dean. Not when we're not... We don't kiss." He said.

"Nooow, I see what's going on." He said, gently laughing. "He was half asleep when he left, you said?" Dean asked and Jimmy nodded. Yeah, it could just have been some sort of automatism. "How long did it last?"

"Um... I don't know, a few seconds, I think?"

"Be. More. Specific." Dean articulated, rolling his eyes. Jimmy scratched his right temple as he shrugged.

"I didn't time it dude, I don't know, about three seconds."

"Mmh. Interesting." Dean said, his pen against his lower lip. Definitely not an automatism. Or maybe... At first?

"How's that." Jimmy asked.

"Well, I'm not an expert when it comes to kissing but... Yeah, okay, I'm kind of an expert. Okay so, it wasn't a peck. The guy wasn't just kissing you goodbye like he didn't notice what he was doing. It didn't last half a second but three whole seconds at least. If he didn't do it on purpose at first, let me tell you that he realized what he was doing but didn't stop, on the contrary." Dean said with a little smile when he saw Jimmy's face. "You were surprised but did you kiss him back?" He asked. Jimmy looked down. "Damn, you did, dude!" Dean said, standing up. Jimmy looked at him.

"Okay, you don't need to start a parade for that. So, what does it mean?" He asked again. Dean suddenly wanted to grab his friend by his shoulders and shake him as hard as he could.

"I think you're getting yourself a boyfriend, dude." He said.

 

In another part of the town, a man was walking towards a motel to get back to his room after a long night. And once again, he drank more than he should have. Duke was miserable. So he was drinking a lot at night. And this one wasn't over but he decided to go back at the motel. He walked past the FBI agent, Gordon, watching him going in. Gordon narrowed his eyes. He knew who the guy was, he had information about every person having a room there. His orders were to keep a close eye on drunk people coming in to see if they weren't followed a few minutes after. That's what happened. A tall guy walked in without giving any look at the man watching him. Gordon stood up and took his phone to call his boss, Henriksen.

"I'm maybe onto something." He said, leaving his post. He knew where Duke room was.

"I'll send you backup, you wait where you are, Gordon, you hear me? You have time, he has his m.o." Victor said at the other end of the line. "What did you see?" He asked.

"Nothing really. The guy following was tall, I couldn't see his face, he had his hood on his head." Gordon said, walking in the motel anyway.

"The guys are on their way." Henriksen said before he hung up to go there too. He walked by Dean's desk. "We've got work." He said without looking at the two men, still talking. They stood up and followed Victor after they took their guns.

At the motel, Duke heard someone knocking at his door. He was about to lay down to sleep off the alcohol and he sighed. He walked towards the door and opened it, running his fingers through his hair. He narrowed his eyes, surprised.

"Dude, you know what time it is?" He asked, recognizing the man in front of him. He was slightly taller than his visitor.

"Yeah, I know." His interlocutor answered with a small and kind smile. He then shoved the guy inside, closing the door behind them. Gordon was coming in the hallway, hearing the door being slammed. He took his gun and walked slowly towards the door. He would have the man by himself, he was capable of that. He would have the glory. Inside, the man had hit Duke at different spots of his body only with his knees and shoes, not his fists. Then, he had opened the window before he went back near Duke. The victim was on the floor when his assailant heard a noise outside. He smiled a little, looking down at Duke. Slowly, he put a finger on his own lips before he walked backwards to be in the space between the wall and the door when this one would be opened. Duke coughed and tried to get up. He quickly looked up when the door opened. Gordon saw the man on the floor and the open window. He lowered his gun and hurried towards the man. This one grabbed his shoulders and was about to talk when his attacker hit Gordon's head with a vase that was on a furniture near the door. Gordon fell against the ground and the man took his gun between his fingers, slowly shaking his head towards Duke. "Why would you tell him?" He asked, walking towards the door to close it. Duke stood up and the man turned around, aiming the gun. "You're not going anywhere, buddy." He said with the same little smile.

"Why are you doing that?" A hurt Duke asked. His ribs were painful and he was barely standing up straight. The man shrugged and walked towards him, looking at the agent on the floor. Duke was trying to think but with the amount of alcohol in his blood, he couldn't quite find a way to escape. Maybe he could try to resonate this man. "I thought we were friends..." He said.

"Yeah." The man said, weary of this conversation. He looked up before he raised his arm a bit, shooting. He watched Duke falling on the ground, against the wall behind him. He sighed and walked towards him, taking the knife he had in his jacket. Duke was already dead but it wasn't stopping him from slowly stabbing the man. He tilted his head, slowly going deeper with the knife. "I don't really have friends." He said, satisfied. He heard a moan behind him and he stood up, taking back his knife, blood slowly dripping from it. He walked towards the agent and crouched in front of him. "Well, well, well." He said, Gordon glancing at him. He saw the corpse behind the man and gritted his teeth.

"You son of a bitch..." He muttered, looking at the man again. This one nodded, tilted his head and smiled as he slowly put the knife against his own lips like it was his finger.

"Shhh... Don't talk like that, it's not very polite." He said.

"Go to hell!" He shouted, the man raising his eyebrows. He then frowned and stood up.

"I don't know if it's supposed to be a secret but... Between us... You're the first one who's gonna go there." He said, showing the gun between his fingers. "On your knees. Now." He said. He knew the cops were probably almost there. Even if Gordon didn't call them, he shot Duke so someone probably did. He saw Gordon moving slowly, looking around him. "Don't try anything stupid. Enjoy your last minute on Earth, moron." He said. "Face the door." He then asked with a strict tone. Gordon did what he was asked too and looked at the hallway before another gunshot was heard.

His body fell on the ground with a dull sound before the killer let the gun fall on the ground too. Then, he turned around to leave by the window. Luckily, this would serve as a warning. He wasn't afraid of the cops or the feds. He knew they were there but it wouldn't stop him, it was actually quite the opposite.

 

Jimmy was standing in the entrance of the motel room, his hands in his pockets and staring at the body laying in front of him, his teeth gritted. One gunshot right in the back of his head. Dean was crouching next to Duke and he looked at Jimmy.

"I don't get it. He shot the guy then took the time to stab him, probably knowing he was taking risks because of the noise or even because of Gordon." He said. Jimmy tilted his head, still looking at the hole in Gordon's head.

"Lack of sexual release, probably. Stabbing is... Reminding him the penetration." He said. Dean frowned, stood up and walked towards his partner to snap his fingers in front of Jimmy's face, making this one look at him.

"You're creepy, dude, stop staring at him." He said. Jimmy met his eyes before he looked away, seeing Duke's eyes wide opened. Victor stepped in the room at that moment, hearing the last comment. He shook his head, it didn't surprised him. Dean glanced at Victor and Jimmy turned around, ready to leave this place full of cops. He gave a small smile at Victor, removing one hand from his pocket to pat the agent's shoulder.

"What an efficient plan. Good work." He said, walking out of the room. Victor closed his eyes a moment, gritting his teeth. He then opened them to look at Dean who suddenly felt uncomfortable. They both walked out to follow Jimmy.

"If Gordon had followed what I asked him to do, he wouldn't be dead. We would have arrest the guy." Victor said.

"Whatever. Good luck telling his family you had him killed." Jimmy said before he sighed. He pushed the door of the motel, getting out. There was a bunch of people behind the yellow security tape. They were mainly in their pajamas and two cops were talking with the one who called them when he heard the first gunshot. Jimmy felt a hand on his shoulder that made him turn around.

"Don't you dare try to make me feel guilty." Victor said, close to Jimmy and pressing his shoulder between his fingers. Dean cleared his throat, looking around. It would be good if his collegues could behave.

"Guys..." He said.

"What?" Victor and Jimmy said at the same time, turning their head to look at Dean who raised his hands to say he was innocent.

"Nothing." He replied. The men both looked at each other again.

"Don't play this game with me, boy." Victor said.

"I'm not playing. I'm stating facts. And the fact is that you got one of your agent killed even if I told you it was a dumb plan." Jimmy said. He seemed calm but he wasn't really. In his head, he was angry. At himself, at Victor, at the killer. The images from the different corpses kept coming in his head, he had felt his hands shaking again back in the room and seeing Victor wasn't helping. He felt the pression on his shoulder being harder but he didn't move, he just gritted his teeth. He had to behave and he knew that. There was some noise around them, voices, a car, people walking, the imminent storm. He suddenly thought about Nick. Why? His name just came in his mind because something sounded like him. He frowned, still staring at Victor.

"Nick?" He whispered, turning his head to look at the people near the motel. Victor looked too, not understanding what was happening to Jimmy. "Nick!" He suddenly said, walking towards the people.

"What the hell?" Victor whispered, Dean coming next to him.

"Mh... The guy has taste." He said as he was watching his friend going to a tall blond who was talking with the cops. Then, Jimmy approached and he seemed surprised.

"Jimmy..." Nick said, the cop passing under the security tape.

"What are you doing here?" Jimmy asked, putting his hand on Nick's arm automatically, like to reassure himself about the guy's condition. Nick glanced around him before he met Jimmy's eyes.

"I live here. What happened?" He asked, glancing at the motel. Jimmy closed his eyes. He was relieved Nick hadn't been there when it happened.

"Um... One of the guy living here... He was killed. An FBI agent too." He said lower. Nick turned his head towards Victor and Dean who were coming to them.

"What's going on?" Victor asked, staring at Nick's blue eyes. He then glanced at Jimmy's hand on his arm. "A friend of yours?" He asked, looking at Jimmy. This one removed his hand from Nick's arm, capturing this one attention as he put his hands in his pockets.

"He lives here." Jimmy replied. Nick was only looking at him.

"You didn't tell me who's been killed." He said.

"His name is Duke, you know him?" Victor asked, staring at Nick again. He glanced at Nick's hoodie. This one stopped looking at Jimmy to look in front of him during a second. Then, he finally turned his head towards Victor.

"Yeah. I'm living next to his room." He said. "And you are?" He asked. Victor took his badge in his vest and showed him to Nick who didn't even glanced at it.

"Victor Henriksen, FBI. You don't seem too pained about your friend's death. Not even surprised" He said. Jimmy narrowed his eyes.

 "I didn't say he was my friend." Nick replied directly before his attention went on Jimmy again, this one staring at Victor. The agent glanced at both of them, meeting Jimmy's eyes. 

"You take your boyfriend with you to the precinct, I have some questions for him." Victor said, irritated. Jimmy frowned. He glanced at Dean who understood and put his hand on Nick's shoulder to show him his car and make him follow him. Nick did, glancing behind him to see Jimmy approaching Victor. 

"Are you doing that only to get to me?" He asked. 

"We can never be too sure, Jimmy. He's a tall guy with a hoodie, like Gordon described. Plus, he can give us information about Duke's habits." He said. "Don't think you're the center of the attention."

"Don't call me Jimmy." He said. Victor narrowed his eyes for a really short moment before he walked towards his car, letting Jimmy stare at him as he walked away. Then, Jimmy joined Dean and Nick in the car. Nick was sitting on the backseat and Jimmy sat in front of him on the passenger seat. 

"Don't worry. He's an ass but he doesn't have anything to keep you there." Jimmy said, crossing his arms. 

"Oh, I'm not worried." Nick said, looking out the window. Dean, driving, looked at him in the rear-view mirror. He then glanced at Jimmy before he stared at the road again. "How's your hands?" Nick asked Jimmy. This one's heart skipped a beat and he wasn't sure if Nick was talking about the injury he had or about the fact they were shaking when he walked out of the motel. That probably wasn't about the injury since they saw each other since then. Did he noticed his hands were shaking? That was incredible. He cleared his throat.

"I'm good." He said, glancing out the window, noticing Nick was looking at him in the outside mirrors. He gave him a sad smile and Nick smiled back, in a comforting way. 

 

"So, tell me, Nick." Victor began, meeting Nick's shining eyes. Nick was sitting in the interrogation room where Victor was always taking the witnesses or anyone else he could interrogate for that matter. Jimmy, Dean and Sonny were behind the window. Jimmy's irritation was noticable, he wasn't even trying to hide it this time. Dean had his arms crossed and was studying Nick's features and expressions. Sonny was sometimes glancing at Jimmy, sometimes at the room. "How come you came back to the motel this late?" He asked with a smile, sitting in front of Nick on the edge of the table, one of his feet still on the floor. Nick, his hands joined on the table but leaning on the back of his seat looked like he could make every chair comfortable. He tilted his head. 

"I work the night." He simply said. Victor looked in front of him during a second, jaded, then looked down at Nick again. 

"Keep going."

"In a bar." Nick said with a kind smile, obviously fake, that Victor noticed directly. Nick didn't really like Victor. Not only because of what Jimmy told him but because he was arrogant. He didn't like arrogant people. He didn't like a lot of people, actually. Victor sighed. 

"You said he wasn't your friend but how well did you know Duke?" He asked. Nick looked like he was thinking about the answer, turning his head to look at the door in front of the table. Victor waited. 

"Enough to know he was hitting the bottle sometimes." He finally said. 

"And do you know if he had any enemies?" 

"As far as I know, he was more of a lonely person." Nick answered, still staring at the door. 

"Any girlfriend maybe?" Victor asked. Nick shook his head. "Boyfriend?" This time, Nick shrugged. He didn't know the guy's sexuality. He glanced at Victor again. 

"Can I go now?"

"I read your file." Victor said, standing up and ignoring Nick. 

"What file?" Nick asked, still very relaxed. As far as he knew, the cops shouldn't have a file about him because he had never been arrested. 

"The one about your life. I'm from the FBI, Nick, not from the precinct. I have access to information they don't have." He said, crossing his arms as he walked in the room, facing the fake mirror. "You just got here, right?"

"I moved in a few months ago, yeah." He replied, looking in front of him. 

"To live in a motel, as a barman." Victor kept going. "You could have been a real doctor if you wanted to. You have the capicity to do that, you're highly intelligent, more than I am. More than anyone in this precinct." 

"You're wrong." Nick intervined, frowning a bit but not moving. Victor turned his head a little, listening to Nick. "It's not because I chose psychology that I'm not a real doctor." He said. 

"That is not my point." Victor said, looking in front of him again, annoyed. "The killing began after you arrived."

"You have nothing against me. I thought you wanted information about Duke? You just happened to read some things in my file and now you're speculating." Nick said. He glanced at Victor who stayed silent. "That's what I thought." He said. He could tell he was telling the truth by the agent's tense posture. "Is this about Jimmy?" He asked. Victor turned around and walked to be in front of Nick again, but not as close as before.

"No, it isn't. I'm following procedure. The people living in this motel are interrogated, that's all." He said. In a way, it was true, but Victor was glad he could interrogate someone close to Jimmy. "But that's not what we were talking about."

"We were not really talking about anything, it wasn't even a real conversation. You were telling me my own life and I was correcting you." Nick said, finally looking at Victor again. This one looked jaded. 

"And I will continue to tell you your own life." He said, sitting in front of Nick. "Did you run away because of your parents?" 

"I'm thirty-six. I don't need my daddy's permission to leave home. Do you?" He asked. Henriksen gritted his teeth. He'd rather think Nick didn't know about his father. 

"Let's talk about your dad. He's schizophrenic, isn't he? And your mom a manic-depressive. You don't need his permission because you probably lived with a man sometimes forgetting to take care of you not because he doesn't like you but because he doesn't remember you're there. So what is it? A little life crisis of yours? A need of attention?" Victor said, somehow smiling and leaning a bit towards Nick, his hands joined on the table too.

"Watch your tone." Nick said, staring at Victor's eyes. With one sentence, everyone noticed the change in his mood and he became intimidating. Nobody could have think the atmoshpere could become more tense, more cold, but it did with this simple sentence. Dean and Sonny glanced at Jimmy who didn't move, staring at Nick. Victor smiled.

"Since you left Harvard, you never stay at the same place more than a few weeks. What made you change your mind this time?" He asked. Nick didn't say anything for a minute. He was still staring at Victor who wasn't moving. Jimmy was examining Nick's features. He seemed suddenly so cold and dangerous. He glanced at his chest, slowly moving up and down. The guy seemed really calm even if you could tell he probably was angry by the way he talked before. Jimmy looked down when it occured to him he was finding that hot. Was it normal? He looked at Nick again, smirked a bit and glanced at Victor. At the same time, he was surprised to learn all those things about Nick. Harvard? His life apparently wasn't easy either. He should have a talk with him about that, just in case. Now, he knew that it was a good thing when you were angry.

"I like it, here." Nick articulated, still looking at Victor with a really cold gaze. 

Behind the window, Dean was still looking at Jimmy. 

"So, tell me. He's kind of an intense dude, this boyfriend of yours." He said. Jimmy kept staring in front of him as he shrugged. 

"Yeah, so?" He asked. Dean shook his head. 

"I didn't picture you with someone like him." He just said, glancing at Sonny next to him. This one met Dean's eyes before he looked at Jimmy too. 

 

"You shouldn't go back down there... I mean, it's dangerous lately, not only your motel but... I mean, stay in my apartment for a while okay? Even if it's just a few days. I would be reassured." Jimmy said, standing really close to Nick. Dean was sitting at his desk, on the phone, Sonny was back in his office with Victor looking at them from behind the window. The precinct was almost empty now but Jimmy still had work to do because of the two new murders. He took a bunch of keys that were on his desk to hand it to Nick.

"Take my car, Dean's gonna give me a ride when we'll be done."

"Okay, I'm just gonna go take some clothes." He said. Seeing Jimmy's expression, he smiled a bit. "It's okay, Jimmy. There's still cops there. He's not gonna go back there anyway." He said, tilting his head. Jimmy smiled a little, looking down. 

"You're right, I'm worrying for nothing." He said. He looked up at Nick again. "I'm sorry for the interrogation." He added. 

"Stop apologizing, Jimmy, I'm fine." Nick said with a smile. He met Jimmy's eyes and this one smiled back. 

"Yeah, okay..."

"But you were right, he really is a pain in the ass." Nick added, making Jimmy laugh gently. "So, I see you at your place?" He asked with a little smile, being a bit closer of Jimmy's face. This one smiled and nodded a bit, his fingers touching Nick's hand. He didn't dare to hold it though, he was still unsure about how to act around Nick. But this one slowly leaned towards Jimmy and their lips met for a soft kiss, Nick's fingers slowly pressing Jimmy's between his. Victor rolled his eyes from behind the window and turned around to keep talking with Sonny. Dean acted like he wasn't watching them when Jimmy sat at his desk, looking at him. He hung up and glanced at Jimmy. 

"So. I guess that FBI or not, he changed his m.o." Dean said. Jimmy tilted his head. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Just got Uriel on the phone. The guy was full of bruises. Our best friend told Gordon to wait for backup since they would have sex anyway so they had time but I don't think our guy was about to give our vic some pleasure." Dean explained. Jimmy frowned, looking down. 

"It's probably connected with the FBI presence. If it frustrated him, he could have been more aggressive. Or it's just a one time thing because he knew about Gordon." He said before he pursed his lips. 

Dean sighed, they exchanged a glance before they both stood up and walked towards each other to play Rock-paper-cissors. 

"Yes!" Jimmy muttered with a sign of victory. It wasn't his turn to tell Victor the news about the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist but add the "watch your tone" thing in this chapter. The way Mark says it in SPN as Lucifer is the same way Nick say it here. I chose to add this because it just totally show how my character is all mocking and having a good time even there but that he can suddenly show a totally different emotion that alters the atmosphere in the whole room. So yeah. :D (plus it makes him super hot)  
> Hope you guys enjoyed !


	4. Ease

Jimmy quietly walked in his apartment. The sun was about to rise and he was exhausted. He removed his shoes in the entrance and slowly walked in his bedroom to see a shape in his bed. He didn't know why he was worrying that much for an other grown man but he was relieved to see that Nick was there. He removed his shirt and his pants, slowly going under the covers. His bed was warm and he closed his eyes, satisfied. He felt Nick moving next to him and the next thing he knew, the man was against his back, his warm arms around his cold body. Jimmy opened his eyes and glanced at the man who looked partially awake.

"You awake..." Jimmy muttered. He felt Nick nodding against his skin and he smiled a little. "Sorry..." He whispered, probably being what woke Nick up. He felt the grip around him being a bit more tight during a second, a way for Nick to say it wasn't a big deal. Jimmy was still discovering the blond and for now, what he had seen of him was pleasant. He was very manly, intense and sometimes a really quiet man always lost in his head but as soon as he was tired or just waking up, he was this affectionate mess that was always touching Jimmy somewhere to have some sort of contact. He seemed very attached to Jimmy already, even if they didn't start seeing each other so long ago and he wondered why. Not that it was bothering him, he really liked Nick's presence and the way he was touching him, his personality and his appearance, the way he was talking and explaining things and... Okay, it really wasn't bothering him. He was attached too, even if he didn't really know he could feel this way so fast. He liked spending time with Nick and it seemed to be mutual. He felt Nick's breathing being more regular against his back, meaning he was asleep again and he tried to focus on this slow breathing to fall asleep too. 

 

When Jimmy woke up, Nick was still in the bed but he was awake, contemplating the ceiling. Jimmy yawned as he turned his body to face Nick, hiding his hands under his pillow. Nick's lips were moving like he was thinking almost out loud but Jimmy couldn't quite make what he was thinking about. But he waited, looking at Nick's features. This one, after a few minutes, turned his head to look at Jimmy, blinking a few times. Jimmy lost himself in his eyes and he finally smiled, showing his teeth. 

"Hey..." He said and slowly, Nick smiled back. He looked really tired and Jimmy wondered how he looked himself. 

"Slept well?" Nick asked, turning his body too to face Jimmy. This one nodded and slowly moved to be a bit closer to Nick's body. 

"Did you? You look really tired..." He said before he felt Nick's hands on his waist. Then, the blond pulled him against him with a smirk. 

"Yeah, don't worry 'bout me." He said. He looked down when he felt Jimmy's fingers on his chest, then his eyes went on Jimmy. This one was looking at his hand. "You look like you have something to say." Nick told him. Jimmy looked up, surprised. He gently laughed and shrugged. 

"Yeah but... It's nothing, really..." He said. He met Nick's eyes again and this one seemed insistent. He sighed and looked at his fingers again. "It's just... Can we talk about yesterday?" 

"What is there to talk about?" Nick asked. Jimmy looked at the man again. He seemed really calm and Jimmy understood he wasn't acting like nothing important happened but he wanted to know precisely what Jimmy wanted to discuss. He smiled shyly. 

"About... What Henriksen said to you... I mean, he talked about what was in your file and... I don't know, I guess I'm just curious." He said.

"Why are you so tense?" Nick asked, frowning a little as he glanced at Jimmy's body. His hands moved up and down his boyfriend's back before he met his eyes again. "You shouldn't be tense. I know you were listening, it's not like I had anything to hide about my past." He said. Jimmy smiled softly. 

"You're right. Well, okay then. Tell me more about you... Why did you leave Harvard?" He asked. When he thought about it on his way back the night before, he pictured Nick as a psychiatrist like he wanted to be. They probably wouldn't have met. Was it because of what was going on at his place? He wondered what his parents had become. Nick cleared his throat. 

"I... Was young. You know. I had to deal with what was going on at my place, my studies, I had to work for the bills... One day, I couldn't take it anymore and I left. I probably could have studied somewhere else but I just didn't want to. I finally had some time for me. So I just travelled a lot." He said. "There's nothing mysterious behind my departure, you know." He added. Jimmy laughed gently before something occurred to him. 

"But... Did you just leave your parents like that?" He asked before he pursed his lips. He had talk too fast, maybe Nick didn't want to talk about them. 

"My mother killed herself a year before I left and I had my father being institutionalized." He said calmly. Jimmy blinked a few times. Clearly, he hadn't any problem talking about them. Jimmy looked down. He was talking easily about that, he didn't seem sad or simply pained. His voice had stayed the same and he was still staring at Jimmy. It reminded Jimmy of the way Nick was usually talking. Like the night he made him come at his place, when Nick asked him if he wanted to have sex. Jimmy had been really embarrassed, like he had been when he realized he just invited someone at his place to have sex and make him go just after. Nick didn't seem to be aware that wasn't something he was supposed to talk about with that much ease. He also thought about the night before when he learned about Duke's death. Maybe they weren't friend but he didn't seem to care about his neighbour being dead. Neither about the fact it could have been him. 

"Aren't you... Sad?" He asked, not looking at Nick. This one shrugged, surprising Jimmy again. 

"It's not like I didn't know it would happen." He said. Jimmy narrowed his eyes a bit, concerned. You could think Nick was just hiding his feelings because he didn't want any pity but Jimmy knew it wasn't that. He really didn't care that much. 

"Okay. I understand." He said. He didn't know why. Was he understanding what was going on in Nick's brain? He pecked his lips before patted Nick's chest. "I'm gonna go make some breakfast. Want some?" He asked. He saw the man smiling and nodding and he just got up and put his pants on. Was he sad about his father's actions? Was he sad his father destroyed their family and their life? Did he care? Jimmy opened the fridge to take what he needed to make pancakes and started to cook, still thinking about it but not giving it a real concern. Yes, he was sad about that. Or... Was it sadness? Wasn't it anger? He did care about that but he had been furious, not sad. He didn't know anymore. He decided to let these thoughts somewhere in his head where it shouldn't distract him too much.

 

After a while, Nick got out of the bed and walked out the bedroom to join Jimmy who was still cooking. He slowly passed his arms around the man, his torso resting against Jimmy's back. This one smiled, even more when he felt Nick's soft lips against his shoulder, slowly moving up to reach his neck. He turned his head a bit and felt his lips on his cheek. 

"So, it's your turn to tell me something..." Nick said. Jimmy frowned a bit, focusing again on what he was doing. "You asked me about something you heard, now I'd like to ask you about something I saw." He said. Jimmy nodded. 

"Go ahead." He said, leaning a bit against the man behind him. He felt Nick's fingers slowly going up on his ribs. He slowly caressed Jimmy's arm before he did the same with his neck. 

"Why were your hands shaking?" He asked. Jimmy almost dropped what he had in his hands and raised his eyebrows. He then shrugged and felt Nick's fingers going down until they reached his waist. 

"I don't know, it happens sometimes." He said as Nick kissed his shoulder again. He felt the man smiling against his skin. Nick slowly move his head, kissing softly Jimmy's skin on his shoulder, his neck, near his ear. 

"Liar..." He whispered with the same smile. Jimmy frowned and turned around. 

"What?" He asked, feeling his body heat increasing a bit. Nick stayed really close to the man, directly pressing his lips against Jimmy when he faced him. The cop was totally lost. He kissed Nick back though, he couldn't resist. Nick broke the kiss and put his hands on the work surface, letting Jimmy no way out. He was in total control of the situation but Jimmy wasn't annoyed by that. His heart was beating fast, his body was now warm but he didn't want to move. He didn't want to talk about his body reaction when he was on a crime scene but he didn't want to stop what was going on. He met Nick's eyes, the man was still smiling. 

"You just lied to me... It's okay." Nick said. "I'm not angry." He added. He seemed really calm and didn't have any reason to be angry against Jimmy, he knew it wasn't something he was ready to talk about and he didn't have to explain anything to Nick, it was soon for this kind of things. But... He wanted to know. Jimmy looked down and smiled a little. 

"What gave me away, this time?" He asked shyly. He heard Nick gently laughing and he raised his head to smile to him. He couldn't believe the effect Nick had on him.

"Besides the fact you almost had a stroke when I asked? Your heartbeat." He said. Jimmy tilted his head, waiting for further explanations. Nick slowly shook his head. "Think." He said, slowly leaning towards Jimmy to kiss him again. His fingers slowly slid on his chin to turn his head a bit. Like that, Nick was able to reach easily his jaw. He kept kissing his boyfriend, slowly coming back on his neck. He really liked to kiss Jimmy there; every time, the man was shivering and somehow becoming relaxed. He wanted him to be relaxed because he wanted him to only feel good in his presence. Jimmy closed his eyes, opened his lips a bit, letting the man do his thing. But he had to focus. What gave him away? Nick's grip on his chin, and mostly his jaw, became a bit more tight and he opened his eyes. 

"You took my pulse." He whispered, remembering Nick's fingers on his neck. He wasn't just caressing his neck, he was actually trying to see Jimmy's reaction at his question. He felt Nick smiling against his skin again and the man raised his head, turning Jimmy's to face him. He nodded slowly and came closer to kiss his lips again, removing his hand from Jimmy's face. Jimmy smiled against Nick's lips and slowly put his hands on the blond's pants to pull the cloth in order to pull Nick too. He approached and kept kissing the man, their tongues meeting. When Nick broke the kiss, he ran his fingers through Jimmy's hair with a satisfied smile. 

"Yeah, I did. Now, why don't you tell me the truth, huh?" He said, still smiling. Jimmy looked down but couldn't stop smiling. He had liked what just happened and he didn't know why. He was simply finding Nick fascinating. He knew he had a lot to learn from the man. He looked at him again. He still looked tired. He was a bit pale but his eyes still had the same glow in them. His hair were messy and he had a little smile on his lips. Splendid. 

"It happens sometimes, Nick... It's the truth." He then said, tilting his head. He wasn't lying. Nick did a movement with his hand to say it didn't matter and Jimmy wanted him to put it back on his waist but he didn't say anything. 

"I know that. But there's more to it, am I right?" He asked. Jimmy looked down. "When does it happen?" 

"When... Usually when I'm at a crime scene." Jimmy almost whispered. 

"Hey, look at me." He said. Jimmy looked up and Nick put his fingers against his cheek, kissing softly his lips. "You should relax." He said, letting his forehead rest against Jimmy's. "Are you afraid of something?" He asked. Jimmy stared at him during a few seconds before he nodded. He tried to keep looking at Nick and to restrain himself from looking down. "Is it why your hands shake when you're there?" He then asked. Jimmy slowly shook his head, blinking. Nick gave Jimmy a caress on his cheek. "Are you afraid of the reason why they're shaking?" And again, Jimmy nodded. They exchanged a look for a few seconds. Nick was examining Jimmy's beautiful features like he was something precious before he kissed his forehead and just like that, the atmosphere lost its intensity. "Let's eat. I'm hungry now." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was shorter than the others, yeah, I just wanted to write one about the way Jimmy sees Nick; about his appearance, the way he thinks, the way he act and how he feels when he's around. Especially that last point since it will evolve during the fic. + It talks about something important for the plot too so it's a win-win situation.  
> Most of the fic is from Jimmy's POV, it's normal but feel free to tell me if you want one from Nick's POV and I'll think about it. I just don't want to give away some points of the plot by writing one from his point of view because the way he thinks and act (the personality I gave him and all) are really important for the story. What I hope is that you guys also examine his actions the way he does with Jimmy, every detail in this story is important to understand some things you'll discover later. (no, i'm not trying to make you come back to continue this story, not at all, idk what you're talking about)


	5. Learn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mistakes, I have to go but I wanted to post it first. Enjoy. :)

"Dude, was I the only one there or what?" Jimmy asked Dean, as he crossed the security tape. First Victor, then Sonny and now Dean. They were all asking about that Nick guy. Victor did the day he interrogated him, Sonny two days after because he wanted to know how Nick was acting after the interrogation and now Dean who was more afraid Jimmy could go out with someone dangerous for him. "I get it, like you said, he's intense. So what, he's super nice with me, you should see him when he's around me. It's not my fault if this jackass ruined his mood." Jimmy continued, slightly irritated. "He provoked him, I would have reacted like that too." He concluded before he walked in the motel room. Dean didn't say anything more. Yeah, he could understand that Victor acted like an ass and maybe that Nick's intensity was just that; intensity. Still, he had been scary as hell. 

"He didn't change his m.o. last time because Gordon interrupted him." Victor said as he glanced at the duo. "The guy's fully clothed, full of bruises and stabbed more than the others but there wasn't any sexual relation here either." He said. 

"You think he can't get it up anymore so he just beat them up and stab them?" Dean asked Jimmy with a laugh, crouching next to the man. This one, hands in his pocket and head tilted, was staring at the corpse a minute, thinking. That was weird. Something was definitely off.

"I don't think it's the reason..." He said, concerned. Dean looked at him.

"What is it?" He asked.

"You got something?" Victor asked too. Jimmy didn't look at either of them and took a few steps back, still looking at the corpse. He frowned.

"Did someone move the body?" He said, turning around to look at the wall behind him.

"Yeah, he's about to be taken to the morgue. What is it?" Victor asked again, glancing at Dean. This one stood up, knowing his friend was onto something. He shrugged at Victor to say he didn't know what was going on though. Jimmy frowned again and walked towards the body, taking a glove from his jacket pocket and still ignoring Victor. He then crouched next to him and slowly touched the guy hand.

"You couldn't move his fingers, right? The limbs are stiffened." He said, still examining his hand. "Rigor mortis..." He whispered. He seemed lost in his thought and wasn't really ignoring Victor, he just wasn't listening to anyone. He stood up and looked at the corpse. He walked backwards again and looked at the blood on the ground and on the bed.

"What is he doing?" Victor whispered to Dean. This one had a proud little smile on his lips.

"That's why he's the best in here. Not because he can recognize killers." He said with the same tone. Victor rolled his eyes, looking away and putting his hands in his pockets, understanding Jimmy had told him what he said to the cop in Sonny's office. "He's most observant than any of us. Two minutes in the room and he knew where to look even if he didn't have any clue what to search at first." Dean continued. "That's why he doesn't make plans like you do and that he waits for mistakes or changes, he sees them immediately." He explained. Victor pursed his lips, looking at Jimmy. This one, still staring at the body, walked past him to go in the bathroom. He made the cops in there go out and Dean and Victor joined him. "What did you find, dude?" Dean asked. 

"When the body was discovered, he wasn't disposed the way he is now because he was pointing at something." He said as he was taking a second glove. Nobody touched anything in there, just took photos. "When Uriel first saw him, I bet his arm was pointing towards the bathroom. Not at a wall."

"Yeah, how do you know?" Victor asked, crossing his arms. Jimmy was inspecting the shower and then looking at the opened medicine chest above the sink. His heartbeat was increasing as he was looking inside, taking bottles of pills in his hands but replacing them everytime.

"Yeah, how do you know?" Victor asked, crossing his arms. Jimmy was inspecting the shower and then looking at the opened medicine chest above the sink. His heartbeat was increasing as he was looking inside, taking bottles of pills in his hands but replacing them everytime.

"He wanted to show us something. He took some of the bottles but I doubt he will use any of them." He said. He wasn't doubting, actually, he was sure of what he was saying. The guy removed some of the bottles to mislead the cops without shrews eyes. He looked at the sink again. It was wet. "See, he cleaned the sink." He continued with a smirk. He knew Victor could have seen everything he just found if the body hadn't been moved. He raised his head and after a second, he closed the medicine chest to see the mirror. He walked backwards to be near Victor and Dean. "He had to clean the blood." He said, staring at the word the killer wrote on the mirror.

" _Learn_ "

Jimmy sighed and tilted his head, crossing his arms.

"Novak." Victor said, slowly turning his head towards Jimmy. Finally, this one really acknowledged his presence by meeting his eyes. "He cleaned everything, he made sure there was not a single drop of blood in this sink. Like he didn't want someone to see this word." He said.

"I know what you're getting at. I don't know if it's for one of us in particular or just to taunt us. I'd say it's for you since you're face was seen during the press conference but what would I know." He said. Victor frowned as he looked at the word again.

"This guy is sick." He said, turning around to leave the room. Jimmy glanced at his back as he walked away before he looked at the mirror again.

"I hate to say this but Henriksen's right, we shouldn't play his game. Ignore that, it's what those psychos do." He said, patting Jimmy's shoulder before he left the bathroom too. Jimmy waited for him to leave before he removed his gloves. He then took his phone in his pocket and slowly took a picture of the message before he stared at it again. His hands were shaking, somehow sweaty. He needed to leave, now. He walked out of the bathroom and glanced at the bed again. The body wasn't on the floor in front of it anymore and he glanced at the blood. Then, he walked out of the bedroom, out of the hallway and once out of the motel, he took a deep and long breath. He walked towards his car and put his hands against the hood when he reached it, taking deep breaths again. He needed to calm down.

"You okay, Novak?" Victor asked behind him. Jimmy jumped with surprise and he turned around.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know, you tell me." He said as he walked towards Jimmy. He had seen him walking out of the motel like he was pursued by something. And was he sweating? Henriksen narrowed his eyes, examining Jimmy.

"I'm feeling sick, actually." He said. He wanted the man to move back but Victor didn't. And Jimmy couldn't move either, he was against his hood.

"Maybe you should go home, then. Have some rest. You're working hard lately." Victor said.

"Yeah, I'll do that." Jimmy replied. They stared at each other during a few seconds before Jimmy cleared his throat, making his way to the side of the car. "I see you tomorrow." He said, opening the vehicle to go inside. He drove enough to be far from the crime scene and stopped on the side of the road. He sighed and let his head rest against the back of his seat, his hands still on the wheel. He closed his eyes, feeling his hearbeat slowing down as time was passing. He gritted his teeth, opened his eyes and hit his wheel with his right hand, angry at himself. He took a moment before he hit it again a few times, harder than before. "Fuck!" He shouted, furious now. He took a few minutes to calm down before he drove again to go back at his place, another car following him from afar.

 

When he walked in his apartment, it was dark and empty. He removed his jacket, his tie, his vest and he rolled up his sleeves before he went to his fridge. He took a beer, closed it and walked towards his couch to sit with a long sigh. He was still angry but at least, he was calm now. It was crazy.

An hour after, Nick was walking towards the building, hands in his jacket's pockets when his attention was captured by a car. He recognized the SUV from the crime scene the other day. Someone was inside but it was too dark for him to see who it was. He didn't stop, like he didn't see anything and he walked in the building, keeping in mind they weren't alone. Victor had watched the man going in but he quickly glanced at the window he was staring at a minute before. The light was still on in Jimmy's apartment. Something was wrong with him and he wanted to discover what. He had seen him stopping during his way back and he couldn't stop thinking about what he saw. He was going to keep a close eye on the cop, even if it meant he had to spend more time with him. He finally took off to go back to the hotel he was staying in for the case.

Nick knew the door was opened, Jimmy had told him he would be home before so he would let it open. He removed his shoes and his jacket once in and walked towards the light source. He saw Jimmy on the couch. He was in a sweatpants and a grey shirt, his legs on the little table and he seemed to be staring at something on his phone screen. Nick walked towards the man and sat next to him on the couch, leaning a bit against him.

"What is it?" He asked, glancing at the screen. Jimmy didn't mind, he let him see the picture he took at the crime scene earlier. Nick looked at it a few seconds before he looked at Jimmy. "Wanna talk?" He asked. Jimmy slowly turned his head towards Nick and smiled a little. He leaned a bit to kiss the man before he locked his phone and put it on the armrest, crossing his arms.

"I don't know. It's just..." He began. He actually wanted to talk. To talk with Nick, not someone else. He looked at him again. "The guy we're searching... Killed again and he let this message."

"For you?" Nick asked, resting his hand on Jimmy's thigh. Jimmy shurgged, looking in front of him.

"I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm not the only person working on the case... How could he even know me?" He asked.

"You're right." Nick said calmly, still staring at Jimmy. This one could feel he was being looked at in an insistent way but he didn't mind.

"I told Victor it was probably for him." He added. Nick didn't move.

"But you think it's for you, don't you?" He said. Jimmy shrugged again. "Yeah, you do. Why? Like you said, he doesn't know you exist." He added. Jimmy looked down. He didn't answer. He didn't have any answer. Why was he thinking it was for him? He felt Nick's hand moving up on his thigh and before he could turn his head, he felt the blond's lips on his cheek, on his jaw and on his neck. He closed his eyes and let the man kiss him wherever he wanted to. Their lips quickly met and Jimmy ran his fingers through Nick's hair, realizing he missed him that day. They exchanged kisses and Nick ended by laying backwards, slowly, Jimmy on the top of him. Nick's heart was beating faster than before, like everytime he was around Jimmy for too long. He was making him feel things he never really experienced before. He thought he knew those things but he was wrong. He realized that the second time he saw Jimmy.

The first time, he was drunk, he had a lot of pleasure but didn't really keep that in his mind, even though he had found the night very enjoyable. The second time, when he saw Jimmy, he knew he had to touch him again. The third time, he didn't even drink, but he wasn't dependent at that time. Now, he somehow needed to be around Jimmy. He was feeling real things only when he was with him. He had discovered things he didn't know he could experience and he liked to see the man's smile. He let a sigh escape his mouth when he felt Jimmy's hands under his t-shirt and he removed Jimmy's. He could hear Jimmy's breath had changed and it made him smirk as he felt lips on his body. Jimmy had pulled up Nick's shirt and was slowly kissing his skin near the belly button. Nick closed his eyes, feeling Jimmy's tongue slowly teasing him. He enjoyed the contact of the warm and wet muscle against his body and he let Jimmy removing his shirt to have a better access. He let him play with his skin, biting it sometimes, kissing it, licking it. He let him slowly suck his nipple and he let Jimmy know he liked that by running his fingers through his hair. He was hard now. So was Jimmy. This one kissed Nick's lips again as his hands were busy with his pants. He wanted him so bad. Soon, their pants were on the floor.

Nick was sitting on the couch and Jimmy was on his knees, sitting on Nick's lap. He felt Nick biting his lower lip and he closed his eyes as his hands moved down to his boxers. He began by touching his erection from above the fabric but he could tell Nick wanted more. He slowly removed Nick's boxers to free his dick and didn't wait to touch it. It was warm, hard and he slowly moved his fingers up and down the member, hearing some noises crossing Nick's lips. This one let his head rest on the back of the couch, enjoying the movements on his erection.

"More..." He whispered and Nick smiled a little. He kept stroking Nick's cock but with his free hand, he softly grabbed Nick's wrist to put it on his own boxers. He was about to do the same with his other hand as well but Nick did it by himself and slowly made Jimmy's boxer slide down his waist. They kissed again and Jimmy felt Nick's hand on his ass, ready to tease him. Nick broke the kiss and let his forehead rest against Jimmy's. "More." He asked again but with a different tone. Jimmy closed his eyes and bit his lower lip before he slowly stood up to totally remove his boxers. Then, Nick moved to let Jimmy lay on the couch. He was touching his own dick, impatient, as he spread his legs open to let Nick a place to lay too. He felt the man above him again, he felt his hands on his body and he was reacting every time Nick was touching him somewhere. He licked Nick's fingers when this one wanted him to, he let him penetrate his body with them as soon as he wanted to and he did the same when Nick was sure Jimmy was ready for a real penetration.

"Turn around..." Nick whispered to his ear before he kissed his cheek. Jimmy did was he was asked and he let the man slowly penetrate him. He let him move in him, felt the pleasure taking over his body as Nick grabbed his waist, he let the man have a total control over him. He liked that. It wasn't a question of domination, he was trusting Nick to take care of him, to give him as much pleasure as he was having himself.

 

Jimmy was laying on Nick who was himself laying on the couch. His head was resting on the blond's chest and he was slowly moving his fingers against his skin to caress the man. They were still sweating from their past activity but they weren't breathless anymore. It was calm, really calm. The lamp next to the TV was still on and all they could hear was the clock. It was ticking, over and over again. Nick was staring at the ceiling, an arm around Jimmy's body and the other hanging on the edge of the couch. After a few seconds, he broke the silence.

"Why?" He asked softly. Jimmy had never answered him before they had sex. Jimmy stopped moving his fingers on his chest and closed his eyes, he didn't want his heart to lose it again. He then felt Nick's hand moving up and down on his ribs and he automatically felt more relaxed. Safe. He opened his eyes again.

"I can't tell..." He whispered. Nick kept looking at the white ceiling and asked again.

"Why?" But this time, he was asking why he couldn't tell. But he already knew the answer anyway. He needed to hear it from Jimmy. "Because it'll make it real?" He asked. Jimmy pursed his lips and took a deep breath again. "I'm no one to judge, you can tell me." He added, also knowing Jimmy needed to be reassured.

"It's disgusting..." Jimmy whispered. He closed his eyes. Nick movements on his ribs didn't stop, he actually wasn't moving at all. Either he wasn't concerned, either he was just very calm. Jimmy knew it was the second solution. Not only because he could feel his hearbeat, in his position, but because Nick was usually calm, like nothing could get to him.

"You're not disgusting." He said. Jimmy didn't answer. "Trust me, you are not."

"But... I... I feel like I am." He said.

"But you're wrong. Now, tell me." He said. "Say it out loud." He felt Jimmy swallowing his saliva and his fingers let his ribs alone to come caress his hair.

"When I'm on... A crime scene... Even more today, because of the message..." He whispered, ashamed already. "I... I think I'm..."

"You're what, Jimmy? I'm not gonna leave. I'm here, I'm listening." Nick said. Jimmy needed to be reassured. "What makes your hands shake? What are you fighting, Jimmy?"

"My... My excitation..." He finally whispered, closing his eyes again. Nick didn't have any particular reaction, he kept touching his hair, he just wanted Jimmy to elaborate.

"What are you excited about?" He asked. Nick knew it wasn't sexual arousal, that he was sure of it. But Jimmy needed to talk about it, that's what Nick wanted. What he wants, he gets. He also knew Jimmy was aware of what was going on in him. But he kept fighting it and lying to himself. That was eating him from the inside. "Is it because you think you will have to arrest someone again?" He asked to help Jimmy.

"No..." He replied.

"Go ahead, Jimmy. Talk to me."

"It's not... It's like adrenaline... Whenever I see... I see what happened in there..." He said, his voice breaking at the end of his phrase. "It's not good. It is so, so wrong..." He added.

"It isn't wrong, Jimmy. Keep going. When you see what happened there. What do you look at?" He asked.

"The corpse... The blood... If there was a fight, I..."

"You imagine everything that happened, right?" He asked softly. He felt Jimmy nodding. "Like if you were a witness?" He asked.

"No..." Jimmy whispered.

"The victim, maybe?" He asked as he slowly looked down. Finally, they were at the point of no return.

"No..." Jimmy muttured, a tear rolling down his face to end its life on Nick's skin. Nick took his time. He felt the grip of Jimmy's arms becoming more tight around him and he softly smiled, looking at the ceiling again.

"The murderer, then?" He asked with a soft voice. Jimmy didn't answer. They stayed in silence during a long time.

 

Jimmy realized he fell asleep when he woke up in his bed, Nick kissing his back, just under his neck. His head was hurting him. He remembered what happened but didn't move to face Nick. He closed his eyes to enjoy this contact. He was relieved the man didn't leave after their talk. Nick knew he was awake, his body was more tense, his breathing wasn't regular anymore and he was shivering.

"Look at me." He said, before he smiled against Jimmy's skin. Jimmy slowly rolled his body to face Nick. He was in his arms, still feeling safe. He was pale and his eyes were a bit red. Nick sloftly caressed his cheek and smiled at him before he kissed the corner of his lips. "I'm gonna help you..." He whispered.

"So I really do need help, huh?" Jimmy asked, looking down. He heard Nick gently laughing and he met his eyes again. The man seemed to be in a good mood that morning.

"Nah... Jimmy, you don't need this kind of help." Nick said. "Trust me." He whispered, still smiling at Jimmy. The cop didn't try to know more about what Nick wanted to say. He was already trusting him. He didn't know why he trusted him so much, he just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you guys can be a bit confused now, I knoooow, it's totally normal if you are. (Not that it's not normal if you're not BUT YEAH BE CONFUSED OKAY.)  
> Hope you enjoyed. :D


	6. Look around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this chapter yesterday but I had to go to the Groezrock festival and I was back at my place at 3am so you know. I slept instead. SO NOW I'M DONE HERE YOU GO YOU HAVE YOUR CHAPTER.  
> I'll probably try to write the next chapter of "Disbeliever" so the next one for this fic might come in a few day, it'll depend on my inspiration for both of the stories (and my schedule this week). 
> 
> -don't know if you guys read all the notes I write but I like to share things with you so here you go- A few days ago, my sister and I had this nostalgic moment when you hear an old song you were listening to when you were younger. So, as always, when this happened (it was Sk8ter boi from Avril Lavigne if you must know), we listened to other songs from her and you know, when I was listening to her when I was younger, I couldn't speak english so I wasn't understanding the lyrics. I listened to When You're Gone and I realized it was kinda Jimmy's state of mind (?) when Nick's not around him. So yeah, here you go, what an awesome story. WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE? Is it good? 
> 
> 'k bye 
> 
> (BUT I HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THE CHAPTER, THANKS FOR THE KUDOS AND FEEL FREE TO LEAVE SOME COMMENTS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I LIKE THOSE, IT MAKES ME WRITE MORE)

Jimmy took a long breath as he closed his eyes, feeling good. He was in a calm coffee with Nick and it felt like they were alone. No disruptive thoughts for Jimmy, only the relaxed atmosphere. They were next to a window and Nick was looking outisde. The sun was making the area a bit warmer. Jimmy glanced at Nick with a soft smile. The man was, as always, sitting in what seemed to be a very comfortable way on his seat, his right elbow on the armrest and his fingers slowly touching his lower lips as his eyes were following the people walking by. The sun was illuminating his face and he seemed almost pure.  He was silent now but he had asked Jimmy to sit comfortably and to relax; something Jimmy was never doing. He always wanted to keep his mind busy, afraid all his thoughts would eat him alive if he let them cross his mind. When he asked how he was supposed to do that, Nick smiled at him and tilted his head, joining his hands on the table. "Why wouldn't you be able to do that?" was what the man had asked him and Jimmy couldn't give him an answer. Nick already knew why but he didn't seem to care. So Jimmy just did what he was asked to. He looked at the people coming in, at a young couple chatting at a table, at another one with both the teenagers on their phones. He looked at an old couple laughing. He looked at the cashier smiling at the customers, he looked at the tables, the people outside the coffee, the counter. That's when he started to stare at Nick. He was always looking chilled and Jimmy was somehow envious. Not jealous, he just wanted to be able to share this feeling. He wanted to be serene too. He was relaxed right now but not in peace with himself like Nick seemed to be. Slowly, the blond turned his head towards Jimmy to meet his eyes and after a few seconds, he gave him a soft smile. He nodded like he was asking if Jimmy was done. The cop responding by nodding too, smiling back. Nick looked outside the window again. 

"I like when you're like that. Pretty sure you didn't even felt the time flying." Nick said. Jimmy frowned a bit and looked at his watch.

"Did I... Twenty minutes?" He asked, looking at Nick. This one smiled again.

"Doesn't it feel good to just relax?" He asked. Jimmy smiled.

"Yeah, it really does." He said.

"You're aware of more things and at the same time, you don't pay attention to them. You just stock them in a drawer in your head and don't really think about them until you need those things." Nick said, still looking outside. He took a moment before he broke the silence again. "You need to be more aware of what's around you, Jimmy." He said, finally looking at his boyfriend again. This one smiled a bit, looking down at the table.

"I am... Sonny says I'm the best cop of the precinct because I just see everything." He said before he pursed his lips.

"I know. You see a lot. But it's not the same." He said. Jimmy looked at him again, waiting for further explanations. "Do you know how you figure out all those things on a crime scene?" He asked. Jimmy took his time to think, glancing at the counter before he looked at Nick again.

"I just do." He said as he shrugged. Nick smiled again and shook his head.

"It's because of what you told me. You see what happened. You play it in your mind." He said. Jimmy looked a bit uncomfortable when Nick mentionned this point. Nick stayed perfectly calm though. "When you do that, you're in his shoes. So you see things. But you're not aware of everything when you're outside a crime scene." He said. Jimmy wasn't sure it was true and he looked down again. Nick saw that and he tilted his head, still smiling softly at Jimmy. "If you were, Jimmy, you would have noticed you're followed lately." He said. Jimmy looked at him again. Nick shrugged and smirked before he looked outside. Jimmy kept staring at him but didn't react. If the killer was talking to him with the message on the mirror, was he the one following him? Or maybe...

"Henriksen?" He asked. Nick shrugged.

"I don't know." He said. "I didn't do anything, I was waiting for you to see him." He said.

And Jimmy didn't notice. How was it possible? He looked away, taking a deep breath. He let the seconds pass, he looked at the first couple he had seen which was walking out, laughing. When he glanced at Nick again, this one was staring at him.

"Why did you choose to become a cop, Jimmy?" He asked. Jimmy raised his eyebrows, taken aback. He didn't want to talk about that but Nick knew he would do it eventually.

"You know why." Jimmy said lower. Nick smiled and slowly took his coffee cup to take a sip, looking at Jimmy. He met his eyes and Jimmy seemed ashamed.

"Yeah. I know. Everyone hearing your name must know. Or at least think about it." He said. "Feeling sorry for you to either be related or having the same name as he does." He said. Jimmy didn't look down, he listened to Nick. "But I'd rather hear you saying it by yourself." He said. "What are you afraid of? It's not gonna change the fact you're his son." Jimmy shivered and this time, he looked away. "Hey, look at me." Nick said, tilting his head a bit. Jimmy kept his head turned but he glanced at Nick. "You need to stop being afraid." He said.

"What do you think I'm afraid of?" Jimmy said like it was nonsense, looking at the counter again.

"You tell me, Jimmy." He said. "I gave you time. You combed this room during twenty minutes, you looked at everyone, probably at me too I guess, you looked outside. Everywhere, there was at least one person. But you also looked at the counter and now everytime you don't want me to look at you in the eyes, you look at it because nobody's sitting there, no one else can see your eyes either. So you tell me, Jimmy, why are you afraid?" He asked. Jimmy frowned during this explanation. He was always impressed to hear Nick describing people's behavior this way but when it came to him, it was a bit different. He didn't want to hide anything from Nick but he didn't feel ready to face his problems himself. "I'm not gonna judge you, I already told you. You know you can tell me anything. I'm not gonna run away."

"It's not the problem." Jimmy said, meeting Nick's eyes again. "You... I can't. That's all." He said. "I can't give you an answer."

"But you just did." Nick said, looking outside again. Jimmy frowned and crossed his arms like a angry little boy, staring at Nick. "You're afraid of yourself, Jimmy. The sad thing is that you don't even really know who you are."

 

"How you doing, Novak?" Victor asked as he sat on the chair next to Jimmy's desk. This one glanced at him, locking his phone.

"I'm fine." He said, putting his phone on his desk.

"You sure? You seem a bit distracted lately." He said. Jimmy shrugged.

"I just want it to be over, that's it." He told Victor who nodded. The precinct seemed weird to Jimmy that day. He didn't know why. Nick dropped him off in front of it before he went... Well, Jimmy didn't know what he was going to do. People were acting normally with him but since he told Nick about what was going on in his head, he was feeling insecure. That's why he was on his phone, he asked Nick if he would be there when Jimmy would come back at his place. Just to be sure Nick wasn't going to leave. He had a positive answer so he was reassured.

"At least, for now, people are careful. Plus, there is so much agents in the bars and the motel that he's gonna be seen." Victor said, still looking at Jimmy. This one glanced at him again and their eyes met. "I know what you're gonna say. You wouldn't do it this way." He continued. Jimmy shrugged and looked at the frame on his desk, restraining a sigh. Victor glanced at it, seeing three persons in front of a house. An old family picture of Jimmy, he was probably ten at that time. And he was with his parents. It was weird that he kept this kind of picture with him, even more in the precinct, where everyone could see it. "You sure you alright?" Victor asked again.

"What are you trying to do?" Jimmy asked, turning his head towards the man. Victor shrugged.

"Just talking. Can't we?"

"I don't know, can we?" Jimmy asked before he looked away again. Victor stared at him during a few seconds before he joined his hands on his lap.

"We don't really like each other, because of me I know, but I'm trying to make some peace here." He said. Jimmy raised his left eyebrow, looking out of the corner of his eyes to see Victor. "What?" He asked. Jimmy took his time to answer. If Victor was the one following him, there was more behind this conversation. Jimmy was actually sure of it but he didn't say anything to the agent. He didn't need to. He shrugged instead.

"Nothing."

"Winchester's always telling me that I shouldn't have judged you the way I did. So I'm giving you a chance to prove me I was wrong." He said.

"Well, I don't really care about what you think of me. In either way, you're wrong." Jimmy said. He seemed confident but Victor was never truly able to read his expressions, Nick was the only one to understand everything. If Jimmy was looking away, if his lips were moving just a bit or his posture, everything was giving him away. But not with someone like Victor.

"How's that?" He simply asked. He didn't really like to talk with Jimmy, even if sometimes, he was feeling some pity for him. He was hard on the man.

"You can't blame me for what he did." He said. Victor could hear Jimmy was tired with this conversation already. Or maybe he was just tired of justifying himself. "From what I know, I'm not the one who had my fingers on the trigger that day. Like I wasn't the one with the knives the other days." He continued, staring at the man on the picture. "You can't blame me for his actions... You can't blame me for loving him despite all he did either." He said, whispering at the end like he was telling this fact to himself. Victor's expression didn't change. He wasn't really surprised by this truth but he didn't know Jimmy would say it out loud. "It's not my fault if it happened." He said, glancing at Victor. The agent was staring at him. He remembered the trial. Victor was almost twenty-four and he was there, looking at the man who killed his father and all those people. And he could remember the young boy sitting on the other side of the room, in the front row. He knew who he was. The boy wasn't paying attention to anyone but his father. He was only looking at him all along. He didn't seem sad. Maybe slightly disappointed, Victor wasn't even sure of that. There was no hatred in his eyes, no sorrow. He was a cold teenager. Victor didn't know if it was because everyone around him was aware he was the son of a serial killer or if he was just like that by virtue of his nature. Like his father was, actually. A cold person with a strong presence. But his father was more arrogant, at least when he was in the interrogation room.

Jimmy didn't pay attention to the victims' families during those days. Victor never went to talk to him, he was angry and sad and didn't have anything to say to this kid. But somehow, he never forgot the boy. He never forgot the look he was giving his father. They had the same eyes, with the same glow. He had some of his facial expressions sometimes, like when he was irritated by Victor; he was looking at the agent with the same contempt his father had when was looking at the cop interrogating him after the arrest. Same hair color, same smirk. That was mostly why Victor couldn't stand Jimmy. He was reminding him too much of the man who destroyed his family. Victor slowly looked down.

"I know." He said. He really was hard on Jimmy. "I'm sorry." He said, looking at the white board near the desk. He didn't meet Jimmy's eyes to say that but they both knew he was thinking what he was saying at this exact moment. He wasn't apologizing for the way he was treating him, Jimmy knew that too. He was apologizing for not being able to stop blaming him. Jimmy nodded, even if Victor wasn't looking at him and he stared at his computer screen. It was off, he was just looking away. "So, you love him, huh?" Victor asked, glancing at Jimmy.

"Yeah." He replied. Victor opened his mouth but closed it almost directly. He couldn't ask why. He couldn't understand either. "I don't care about what he did..." He closed his eyes when he felt Victor's insistent gaze on him. "I don't mean that." He said, shaking his head a little. "I mean, he made his choices, I guess he couldn't resist, that's what he was. A killer. I don't have anything to say about that. Still, he loved me. He raised me. He never did anything to me." He explained, finally looking at Victor. "He will never regret what he did, I know that. He will never change, if he wasn't in jail for the rest of his life, he would start killing again. He told it to me." He said. Victor raised his eyebrows and Jimmy glanced at him. "I asked him." He said.

"You go see him?" Victor asked. They kept looking at each other and Jimmy nodded.

"Yeah, sure. He's alone there." He said. Victor restrained himself from frowning. He couldn't understand the man in front of him and at the same time, he could. It was weird. "And he's not mean with me. He will never regret anything that he did but he did apologize to me." He told Victor. This time, he frowned.

"Why would he apologize to you?" He asked. If he wasn't regretting his actions, why would he be sorry when it came to his son? He wasn't sorry for the victims' families. Jimmy had a sad smile as he looked down, remembering.

"They hit me at school. They insulted me, they spit in my food and on me, they spilled their drinks on me, they threw my backpack in the lake more than once, they broke the bicycle he gave to me one Christmas. They insulted my mom, they shoved me into lockers and immersed my head in the toilet." He said. "He never wanted that for me. The only times he wasn't a monster were when he was at home with us. When he saw I had a black eye once, he asked me if I fought. I was fourteen, I think. I told him that I did. He knew I wasn't fighting but that I was bullied. So he apologized." He concluded. Victor kept staring at him. After a few seconds, Jimmy shrugged and met his eyes again with a sad smile. "So yeah, I still go see him." He said before he looked in front of him again. He saw Sonny in his office, looking at the both of them. For once, at least, it seemed to be a calm conversation. Jimmy gave him a smile before he looked at the papers on his desk.

"He knows you're a cop?" He asked.

"He said he was proud of me." He said as he shrugged. After a few seconds, he raised his head a little, looking in front of him. "Is that all?" He asked Victor. This one nodded but didn't move. He stayed on the chair near the desk and stared at the white board for a while. During this time, Jimmy tried to focus on his paperwork. After a few minutes, he glanced at Victor again. "You told me... The other time, when you were the biggest douche of the planet, you told me you saw every interrogations." He said. Victor looked at him.

"Yeah, I did." Victor said with a little smile when Jimmy talked about him being a douche.

"Can you show them to me?" He asked. Victor looked down a second before he met Jimmy's eyes again.

"If what's said and what you'll see don't bother you... Yeah, I can give you copies of the tapes." He replied. Jimmy nodded before he started to write again, not paying attention at all to Victor anymore.

 

Jimmy came back to his apartment during the evening. The living room was lightened but there was no sign of Nick. Jimmy closed the door behind him and removed his shoes with a weird sensation in his stomach. He walked directly in his bedroom to go by his desk. He put a few CDs on his laptop, staring at them during a few seconds. Victor gave him the promised copies of his father interrogations plus the videos of the trial but Jimmy wasn't ready to watch them yet. He heard a door being opened in the hallway and he turned around to see Nick coming towards him with a little smile.

"You're back." He said and Jimmy smiled back, going directly in his arms. "Hey there, you okay?" Nick asked, softly kissing his left temple. Jimmy nodded.

"I missed you today..." He whispered, his fingers' grip becoming a bit more tight on Nick's t-shirt. 

"Yeah, I've noticed." The blond said, tilting his head to try to meet Jimmy's eyes. "Did something happen?" He asked, glancing at the CDs on the laptop.

"Nothing, really... I don't know, I just felt bad." He said.

"I have something to cheer you up, then." Nick told him with the same soft smile he was always giving Jimmy. It was already cheering him up. "But first off..." He said before he leaned to give the cop a tender kiss. Jimmy kissed back, smiling against Nick's lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. Nick let his forehead rest against Jimmy's when he broke the kiss and he pulled Jimmy closer by putting his hands on his waist. "I missed you too." He said. Jimmy had a silly laugh as he looked down, feeling his cheeks becoming warmer. Nick had way too much effect on him. "Come on." Nick said as he took one of his hands to hold it as he walked out of the room to walk towards the bathroom. 

Jimmy followed, staring at Nick. The man was making him happy, he was feeling really good whenever the blond was around. When he was in the interrogation room, they were all feeling the tension but Jimmy wasn't focusing on that at all. He was only looking at Nick, he was restraining a smile whenever he was talking and he was finding him hot. Was it only passion? Would it stop after a while? Jimmy didn't want those feelings to disappear, he was happy with this addiction. But was Nick feeling the same way? It seemed likely. He was always touching Jimmy somewhere, whatever they were doing, just to have some contact with the man. He could be working on his laptop, Nick would stay next to him at the table without doing anything but looking at what Jimmy was doing or at him and sometimes, Jimmy would feel a slight pressure on his thigh or his arm. Nick was even touching his hand with the tip of his fingers to give him a little caress sometimes. At first, Jimmy was somehow taken aback and he was always turning his head towards Nick to see if something was wrong but the man was just smiling at him like he was happy to have his attention and to be able to touch him. After a while, he became used to it and wasn't even distracted anymore by the contact. And usually, when Nick was talking to Jimmy, he had this soft and little smile. It seemed like looking at Jimmy's face was making him smile without any other reason than being his face. Nick never looked at Jimmy with the glare he gave Victor when the agent crossed the line during the interrogation. He never looked at Jimmy like he was weird or crazy because of what he was saying. He was soft whenever he was touching him, not only when he was seeking for a contact but also when they were having sex. Even if they could be rough while doing it, everytime Jimmy was feeling Nick's fingers on his skin, he was only feeling precious. Dean could be afraid for his friend, Nick would never hurt him on purpose.

Jimmy knew Nick was special. Not because of his very high IQ, not because of the way he was acting -which was rather unusual- but Jimmy just knew he was. He knew that in the end, Nick wouldn't leave because of what he could confess to him but he still had this fear in his stomach when the man wasn't in the apartment or when he was leaving it. He simply needed him around.

"It's simple but I thought..." Nick began when they walked in the bathroom, still holding Jimmy's hand. There were a few candles to light up the room and he had prepared a bath for them. Jimmy's grip on Nick's hand became more tight as he smiled, biting his lower lip. He was looking at the bubble bath when Nick turned his head towards him, smiling. "Maybe it would help you relax a bit. You're anxious lately." He said. Jimmy nodded, already excited just thinking of being in the hot water before he turned his head to softly kiss Nick. They exchanged kisses, Nick slowly unbuttoning Jimm'y shirt. They undressed each other, sometimes kissing and some other times softly touching each other skin before they went in the bath.

Jimmy was between Nick's legs and leaning against his torso with a satisfied smile on his lips. He could feel Nick was looking at him. Jimmy was moving his hands in the water, looking at the foam moving above their legs. He felt Nick's lips softly kissing his skin behind his ear and he leaned a bit more to let his head rest on Nick's shoulder. This one was taking some water in his hand, constantly humidifying Jimmy's chest.

"What's on your mind, Jimmy?" He asked with a soft voice, looking at what he was doing.

"A lot of things." Jimmy said with a little smirk. Nick smiled too and looked at the wall in front of him, his arms slowly going around Jimmy's chest.

"And right now?" He asked. He felt Jimmy's head moving. He had turned it a bit to open his eyes and be able to look at Nick's face.

"I was wondering how it happened." He said. Nick didn't move. It meant Jimmy had all his attention. "We were so drunk but I recognized you the second time and now... I don't know, I wasn't expecting that." He said, laughing before he closed his eyes again.

"Do you like the final result?" Nick asked.

"Duh." Jimmy said with a smile. "It's perfect." He said. He crossed his arms to be able to hold Nick's wrists between his fingers. Again, Nick kissed Jimmy's skin. On his temple, on his forehead, before he closed his eyes when he burried his nose in Jimmy's hair. His fingers were slowly moving on Jimmy's ribs and he could feel the cop was really relaxed.

"What's with the CDs?" He softly asked, turning his head to let his cheek rest against Jimmy's hair. He kept his eyes closed, he didn't move too mucuh because he was finally able to feel Jimmy's heartbeat against him. He liked the way his muscle was beating. It was slow and regular. Jimmy was feeling good thanks to him; Nick was satisfied.

"Henriksen gave them to me..." Jimmy said, his eyes closed too. He was still relaxed, even with what he was about to tell Nick because he was feeling so good that he was just inclined to talk about anything.

"Are they related to your case?" Nick asked.

"Nah..." Jimmy said with a little smile. "It's from my father's case. It's mostly the time he spent being interrogated." He explained. Nick frowned a bit but didn't move and didn't open his eyes.

"Why did he give you that?" He asked.

"I asked him if he could give them to me." He said. "I want to see them." Nick stopped frowning when Jimmy said he got them willingly.

"You're going to watch them tonight?" He asked.

"I don't know. I wanted and now..." Jimmy said, stopping in the middle of his sentence.

"Feeling anxious?"

"A little." Jimmy replied. "Maybe... You know. Maybe you could watch them with me?" He said. After a few seconds of silence, he opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. "But it's okay if you don't want to." He said. Nick had waited to see if Jimmy would take back his proposition if he wasn't giving him an answer. He pursed his lips, opening his eyes and raising his head to look at Jimmy.

"Why do you want to watch them with me?" He asked. Jimmy stopped staring at the ceiling and met Nick's eyes. He gave him a smile as he shrugged.

"Just wanna be in your arms." He said.

Nick gave him his sweetest smile and nodded to say he was going to watch them with him before he kissed his forehead again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I don't know if there was really a lot of action in this chapter, more a lot of talking ! Anyway, now you know a bit more about his relationship with his father and all but also how the way he sees Nick evolves. And since I don't write in Nick's pov for now, you can also read a bit about how he acts when he's around Jimmy so that's something I guess. AND YEAH IDK I KINDA LIKE THIS CHAPTER.
> 
>  
> 
> -'k just to be clear m8, im not drunk, just really excited because of the festival and my chapter bc yeah i like it 'k?-


	7. Awareness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK. Remember when i said i was gonna upload Disbeliever in a few days cuz' i didn't have a lot of time? Yeah, good time. 
> 
> So yeah it's really difficult for me to write right now. I have some writer block and it's probably because I have to think about a lot of things lately. Like this week, I had like six exams (and I probably failed half of them). So I wrote when my inspiration was coming back and here you have like 6497 words added to this story. I hope you're gonna enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Okay so you know how i like to share things with you even though it's not important, so here you go, two news:  
> \- i started using tumblr again, yeah wow big deal. So if you wanna follow me, feel free to do it, it would be super nice and you will have... Let's say... nothing, really, but yeah: http://h-stan.tumblr.com/  
> \- you know how music is important for me when i write. well, i found the album i'll listen a lot for now when i'm writing this story. Sometimes the lyrics just fit the story and overall, the vibe the album gives is the vibe i'd like this fic to have. So if you wanna listen to it, it's "Cry Baby" from Melanie Martinez
> 
> THANKS FOR THE KUDOS GUYS AND ENJOY THIS CHAPTER PLS PLS PLS LOT OF LOVE ON ALL OF YOU.

They had already watched a few videos. They were in the bed and Jimmy had Nick's arms around him. His laptop was on his lap and he was as calm as he could be. Not as much as Nick was though. Jimmy couldn't help but glance at him sometimes like when his father was talking or at the end of the videos. But the man didn't seem to move. He didn't seem impressed, he didn't seem disgusted, he didn't seem sad for Jimmy. The cop put another CD in his laptop, crossing his arms. He noticed the way his father was talking, the way he was looking at his interlocutor. It was different, he was never looking at Jimmy this way. He was never looking at his mother this way either and he wondered if it wasn't just because the other man in the room was a cop. Jimmy's father had some difficulties when it came to talk to someone in the autorities. He was arrogant, mean and seemed really proud of himself, he had this smirk and this look like he was thinking he was better than the others. Jimmy shouldn't expect something else from a sociopath, he already met some of them but it was his father so his point of view was different.

The man had already confess, even if he didn't really need to with the way he had been arrested. It was clear he was guilty. Still, he needed to be interrogated.

" _Now, why don't you tell us where they are?_ " Jimmy heard the cop saying, the sound coming from his laptop catching his attention again. He saw his father tilting his head and smiling a bit.

" _How long has it been now? Almost a month, am I right?_ " Jimmy's father asked. He was talking about his arrestation. " _And still, you're making everyone wait for my trial for what? Some bodies you think I hid?_ " He told the cop. Jimmy could remember some parts of the trial -which happened almost two weeks after those interrogations-, even if he wasn't really listening. He remembered his father pleading guilty for the first accusation but not the second one. He was pleading guilty only for the murders the cops could prove. Apparently, some women disappeared and the cops were saying he killed them but his father always denied. Oh, of course, Jimmy knew he killed them too. Everyone knew. But the cops couldn't prove anything. They didn't have enough proof, they didn't have the bodies either. That's why they were interrogating him at that time. They were still hoping they could find the six women who disappeared. All they had about that was their descriptions and whereabouts before they disappeared without a trace. They were like the others Jimmy's father killed but he wouldn't confess unless they could prove he was guilty. 

" _Drew._ " The cop sighed as he sat in front of the killer again. " _Why don't you want to tell us? You're already going to jail for life. It's not going to change anything for you. But some families need closure._ " He explained. He met Drew's blue eyes and felt bad. The man was intimidating when he had this cold expression on his face.

" _I have nothing more to confess._ " Drew said.

" _If you help us, I'll be able to tell the j-_ "

" _I don't need to have a deal._ " He said calmly but interrupting the cop. " _I don't need more notoriety. I don't care. Don't you get it?_ " He asked. The cop frowned and slowly shook his head. " _I need to be locked away. That's it. Now, can I go back in my cell?_ " He asked, wanting this interrogation to be over. They stared at each other during a whole minute before the cop leaved him there. The video kept going for a few minutes before someone finally came back to accompany Drew in his cell once again. The screen became black and Jimmy kept staring at it. He never understood why his father never confessed. Since then, a body had been found, or at least a part of it. Then, he confessed he killed her. But he never talked about the other women. He was in jail for the rest of his life but it seemed like he wanted to have some fun by letting them try to prove his other crimes. He killed thirteen women -the body they found after his arrest included-, Victor's father and didn't confess for five others women. Nineteen bodies on his arms and he seemed really proud of himself in front of the cops, neutral or sad in front of Jimmy. He knew his father wasn't playing with him, he was truly sad to see what he had done to Jimmy's life. He didn't care about his crimes though. Once again, Jimmy found himself wondering what he was thinking about it. He saw Nick closing his laptop and he got out of his thoughts to look at his boyfriend. 

"You were done, right?" Nick asked, meeting Jimmy's eyes. This one nodded and Nick removed the laptop from Jimmy's lap before he looked at the cop again. "Why did you want to see that?" Jimmy shrugged after this question. He didn't really know.

"I guess I was curious?" Jimmy answered. Nick smirked before he shrugged.

"Why are you telling that like you're asking me? You're supposed to know, not me." He said.

"Yeah... But I know it's the other way around." Jimmy said, looking down. Nick stayed silent a long time. Everything was evolving the way Nick knew it would. Jimmy was becoming more aware of his behavior, of what was inside of him. And he was also aware that Nick already knew why he was acting this way, what he was running away from, he seemed to know and understand everything in Jimmy's life. But he wasn't saying anything, he was letting Jimmy learn all of that by himself. Here, he was waiting for Jimmy to look at him again to talk to him.

"If you know it, why are you avoiding to say why?" He asked. He already knew the answer but as always, he needed to give Jimmy some time. He needed to let him be ready. Until then, he wouldn't say anything to him. Jimmy shrugged again. Nick smiled. "Stop doing that..." He said, amused. Jimmy smiled a bit too, looking away.

"I don't know, Nick, really." He said. Nick tilted his head and waited for Jimmy to look at him, once again. Of course, Jimmy knew. He just wasn't ready to accept it.

"So, the cops are moving all their stuff out of the motel tomorrow. You still think I'm in danger?" He asked. Jimmy bit his lower lip. "I guess it's time for me to go back there. I know how to fight anyway." He said with a smile to tease his boyfriend. Jimmy didn't answer. He let Nick stare at his face during a few seconds before he decided to lay on the mattress, turning to have his back facing Nick. This one smirked again, turned off the light and came closer to Jimmy. This one automatically moved to let his body being trapped in Nick's arms and he closed his eyes.

 

 Two days later, Victor walked in the precinct after a long night he spent investigating the case. He could barely sleep, they didn't have any clue who was the killer and he was worried he would kill again. He did kill again, the night before, as a matter of fact. The victim was a man again, married. No trace of sexual assault but he had been beaten up in a really violent way before the killer stabbed him a lot of times. The odd part now was that he was found in an alley and not a motel. They figured it was maybe because he was afraid of being caught if he kept going in motels. Or maybe he just couldn't wait to go there anymore and just wanted to kill directly. But there couldn't be two killers in the same area, killing at the same time like that, it was almost impossible. So they were sure it was the same killer. That's why they were all very stressed in the precinct. Victor sighed as he walked past Sonny's office, turning to his left only to see Nick leaning against Jimmy's desk. He was almost sitting on the edge, his arms crossed and something in one of his hands. He was staring at the white board and Victor walked towards him. He stopped next to the man who didn't even seem to notice his presence. Or he was simply not acknowledging it. 

"Nick, what a pleasure to see you again." He said. The blond didn't look at him directly. He kept staring at the white board, moving his lips like he was thinking out loud but Victor couldn't hear anything. Finally, after a few seconds, Nick turned his body to face the FBI agent.

"I doubt it." He said. He was a bit taller than the man in front of him and since the interrogation, he was intimidating when he was around Victor. He wasn't really doing it on purpose, he had a mood for every person he was seeing. When Jimmy was around, he was really calm and focused -mostly on him-. He was intimidating and cold with Victor. He seemed to not be able to focus his mind on a single thing when he was around his father and his mom was always finding that a bit odd when she was still alive. The atmosphere around the interlocutors was following Nick's mood. Always his mood, not the others'. If Nick was intimidating like he was now, the vibe he was giving was tense and the people around were uncomfortable. If he was calm, the others were usually calm too. He just had that kind of strong presence. The only person he didn't seem to have an effect on -at least not totally- was Jimmy. He liked that for some reasons.

"Novak's not here if you're looking for him. He's working on the case, he doesn't have time for distraction." Victor said. He had asked Jimmy to interrogate someone and he was busy right now.

"I came to see you." Nick answered. Victor raised his eyebrows during a second before he stopped to try to keep a straight face. Nick saw it.

"What do you want?" Victor asked. Nick narrowed his eyes during less than a second before he handed the agent the CDs.

"Jimmy wanted to give them back to you. He forgot them this morning." He said. "I know that he is busy. That's why I bring them back myself." He explained calmly. Victor glanced at the CDs, then met Nick's eyes before he took them.

"That's very nice of you, Nick." He said, glancing at Nick's hand. "You fought?" He asked. Nick's hand was red and had some bruises on the bones. He met Nick eyes again, the blond never stopped looking at the agent.

"Yeah." He simply said. Victor took a few seconds before he raised his eyebrows to ask if that was it. "Some drunk guys in the bar were fighting. I went to seperate them, one of them hit me, I punched him."

"That must have been a hell of a punch." Victor said, sceptical, glancing at Nick's hand before he took a look at the latest corpse's picture on the white board. It lasted a second but then again, Nick saw it. He slowly tilted his head, taking a small step closer to Victor. Dean, who was walking towards his desk, stopped when he saw the two men.

"Are you implying something?" Nick asked. Victor narrowed his eyes.

"Should I? You don't have any marks on your face. Where did he punched you?" Victor asked.

"I said he hit me, not that he punched me in the face." Nick answered. They kept staring at each other during a few seconds before they heard someone clearing his throat behind them. Victor turned his head to see Dean. This one was looking at Nick and swallowed his saliva. Nick was still staring at the agent and the cop really didn't want Nick to look at him in this way.

"Everything's fine?" Jimmy's partner asked the men.

"I was leaving." The blond said before he turned around. Victor did the same, walking towards Dean. When he glanced at Nick, this one was behind Jimmy's desk, searching for something in the drawers.

"What the..." Victor muttered. Nick took what he wanted and walked towards the exit, Victor following him with his eyes.

 

"How are you doing, mom?" Jimmy asked with a small smile on his face. Victor, leaning against Dean's desk, was staring at him. He was always watching him, his reactions, his behavior. He couldn't help it, he was intrigued by the young man, even more after their conversation. Right now, Jimmy didn't seem sad, he actually looked like he was happy to hear his mother's voice; his eyes were a bit narrowed because of his smile. Yet, it was thanks to this very same smile that Victor knew something was off. It wasn't a sad smile because Jimmy was sad but it was like he was feeling his mother's pain through her voice. After the arrestation, she had never been the same. "I'm fine. A bit stressed out with this case but I'm fine." He said to reassure his mother. She knew that her son was working to find this serial killer everyone was talking about. It was all over the news and people were afraid. She was afraid for her son's safety. Jimmy laughed gently, still smiling as he looked at the white board. "Don't worry, I don't think I'm in danger." He said. Victor frowned a bit, tilting his head and crossing his arms. Jimmy did frown too. "I don't know, I just don't feel like something could happen to me." He said. He didn't know why. He was sure he could be in danger, actually, but he felt safe. The guy was killing gay men, around his age or older and he was certain the word on the mirror was for him but he wasn't feeling unsecure. He hadn't feel this safe in a long time and he didn't know why either. His mother asked the reason of his call since he was working. "Yeah, I wanted to know... You know, Thursday... It's dad's birthday." He said. His smile was already strained when he said that but he stopped smiling when his mother said "no" directly after this sentence. He kept talking with the same soft tone even if his expression had totally changed. "Okay, just wanted to know. To be sure." He said, disappointed his mother still didn't want to see her husband. She never visited him. Yet, she didn't divorced. Jimmy never understood his mother but obviously, their minds weren't working the same way when it came to his father. "You want me to tell him that you're..." He started to ask but stopped. He heard once again a "no". "Okay." He said, coldly this time. He was still staring at the board and didn't seem to notice the way he talked because after, he was speaking softly again. "I have to go. I'll come to see you soon." He said before he hung up. He turned his head, meeting Victor's eyes. They exchange a long look before Jimmy stood up and walked towards the men. "There's too much journalists. They're starting to piss me off." He said. They were always around the precinct and following the cops to be the first to know if something new was happening with the case.

"What do you want me to do, Novak? I have no authority against them." Victor said, gauging the man in front of him. He turned his head a bit to glance at Dean, who was sitting at his desk. "What did you get with the suspect?" He asked.

"I was sure we got him, he was around the crime scenes for the two first murders but his alibis check out." He said. Victor sighed. They had arrested a man during the morning, Victor and Dean were sure it was him. Jimmy wasn't sharing the same opinion but he didn't say anything. The duo interrogated him all day and Jimmy had to release him after. He had escorted the man outside the precinct and another cop had to drive the man back at his place, everything in front of the journalists. They tried to ask questions to Jimmy but he kept walking like he wasn't even seeing them. He said nothing, he went back inside and he knew he would probably be seen in the news during the evening. 

"Okay, you guys can go. We're back at square one anyway." Victor said, sighing again. He then left the room and Jimmy walked towards his chair to take his jacket.

"I see you tomorrow." He said to Dean as he put on his jacket but his partner stopped him.

"Dude, wait!" He said. Jimmy turned around to look at him. His friend was walking towards him.

"What is it?" Jimmy asked.

"Your boyfriend stepped by earlier." He said with a smirk. Jimmy raised his eyebrows, not hiding his surprise, and tilted his head.

"Seriously? How come?" He asked. He felt suddenly weird and he felt a shiver running down his spine. Dean shrugged.

"I dunno. I think he gave something to Henriksen though. But when I came, I thought he was about to..." He started, putting his hands in his pockets. He didn't really know if he should talk about that.

"About to what?" Jimmy asked, frowning a bit this time.

"Well..." A reluctant Dean began. "I don't know if Henriksen provoked him, you know, I wasn't there but... He seemed pissed. A bit like he was during the interrogation." He said. Jimmy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I bet Henriksen was a big ass again." Jimmy said. He understood that what Nick gave Victor must have been the CDs, he forgot them that morning. Or did he forget them, really? Didn't he want to keep them? He was sure Nick knew he wanted to watch them again. So why did he decide to bring them back? Jimmy was frustrated. But it wasn't really because Nick did that. It was more because the blond had been pissed again by Victor. "That's it?" He asked, surprising a bit Dean. This one shrugged again.

"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know. And he took something too. In your desk, I don't know what." He said. Jimmy glanced at his desk, then at Dean again.

"Okay." He said. Dean raised his eyebrows and tilted his head.

"Dude, how's it going with him?" He asked.

"Great. Like really, really great, actually." Jimmy said. He sounded a bit surprised as he said that.

"Wanna talk about it?" Dean asked with a little smile. Jimmy smirked and nodded. Dean went to take his jacket and they both left the precinct.

 

The same night, a bit later and in a total different bar than the one Dean and Jimmy headed to, was Victor.

"Yeah, the guy hit his shoulder with his bottle, it broke and he actually injured Nick. So he punched the guy. He knocked him out, actually." The owner of the bar said to Victor. He still had his share of doubts about Nick and he would have loved to be able to take his fingerprints to compare them with the ones they found on the crime scenes but he was there as a witness at that time. Without saying anyone about it, he didn't stop his research about Nick. He was following him and Jimmy and now he could ask questions to somebody.

"Is he usually a violent guy?" Victor asked, his hands in his pockets.

"Nah, not at all!" The man said directly. "He's really calm, seriously, and he's nice with the customers." He explained. "I've never had any complaint. Did he do something wrong? Is he in trouble?" The owner asked, he still didn't really know why an agent was asking questions about his barman. Victor shook his head.

"Not at all, it's a long story." He said. The owner was sure he already saw Victor somewhere but he couldn't remember where. "I'm almost done. Does he speak alone sometimes?" He asked. The owner frowned and crossed his arms, wondering why the hell he was asking this kind of questions. Didn't he see this guy on TV? Probably in the news since he was from the FBI. He shrugged.

"I don't know, he's busy when he's here and I'm barely alone with him. I never saw him do that. Is he like... Crazy?" He asked. Victor laughed gently and shook his head, looking at the bar. Since he saw him earlier that day speaking alone, he was thinking about a lot of things. Nick's father was schizophrenic and it could be genetic. What if Nick had a schizophrenic breakdown or something? It could explain the murders. But Victor wasn't really believing in his own theory, he was mostly looking like he was just thinking out loud and he wouldn't be able to hide his condition if this kind of breakdown had to happen.

"Nah, I don't think he is. I just have to ask those questions." He said. He didn't want to be bother explaining why he was doing all of this to the man in front of him. If Nick was losing his job and was innocent, Victor would feel bad. He didn't need this kind of feelings right now.

"You know... He's a bright man. You notice it when you speak with him. I'm sure he could have done something else than work in a bar. I hope he didn't do anything wrong." The owner said. He then glanced at the door. "Here he is." He said, staring at Nick. Victor turned around to see him. Nick was already looking at him. He didn't seem pissed or annoyed, just a bit jaded. Nick removed his jacket as he walked towards the cunter and Victor could see a band around his arm, just before his shoulder. The agent walked and sat on one of the stool, Nick in front of him behind the cunter.

"Why don't you talk directly with me?" Nick asked, putting a dishcloth on his injured shoulder. "Instead of annoying other people."

"You're afraid I might annoy your boss?" Victor asked. Nick met his eyes. He didn't seemed that interested in having a conversation with the agent.

"I'd like to keep my job." He said before he turned around to give the man in front of him a glass. He took a bottle of whisky and filled the glass with the right amount of alcohol. Victor didn't ask anything but was satisfied with that. "First you follow us. Now you interrogate the guy I work for. You have nothing against me, why bother?" He asked. Victor took his glass between his fingers, looking at the alcohol. Of course they noticed him. Or at least, Nick did.

"I follow my instincts, Nick." He answered before he drank. Nick didn't say anything else, he poured a drink to a girl and kept working. He let Victor staring at him for a while before he came back near to him. He leaned a bit against the counter.

"Don't you have better things to do?" Nick asked.

"I'm stuck here, away from my family ,to find the son of a bitch killing those people. I guess I might as well work my ass off." He said.

"Right." Nick muttured. "You should follow a real lead then." He met Victor's eyes again and this one smiled a bit.

"You're a real lead for me." He answered before he looked at his glass again.

"Yeah, you're sure I'm guilty." Nick said, not letting the agent out of his sight. He was close to him, leaning this way against the bar, he was staring intensly at Victor and examining his every moves.

"Yeah, I am, as a matter of fact. What did you took from Novak?" He then asked. Nick tilted his head a bit and smiled a little. He wasn't truly amused, Victor could see that because Nick wasn't trying to hide the fact it was a fake smile.

"A file of course. To know where you're at with the case. I don't want you to be more informed than me about my own murders." He said. Victor laughed a bit as he put his empty glass on the cunter.

"I don't need this kind of jokes, Nick. I'm tired of this case." He said. He met Nick's eyes and noticed the way his suspect was staring at him. He suddenly wanted to be a bit less closer to him. "I'm not as blind as Jimmy, I see the control you have over him. Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"I think you're an absolute moron." Nick said, still staring at Victor. He didn't like the way the agent talked about the control he had on his boyfriend. He wasn't seeing the things the same way Victor was. And what did he know? He was following them, yeah, but he didn't know what was going on. Nick was more aware of everything than any of them, even more than Jimmy. For now, he hoped.

They stayed silent for a while, only looking at each other. Victor started to feel uncomfortable because of that. There is always this moment, when you look someone in the eyes, when you start to feel this way. At first, not really because you're just wondering why the other is looking at you. But after approximatively three seconds, the other had to inspire you confidence or you will start to feel bad. That's what was happening because for Victor, Nick wasn't someone you could trust. He was intimidating, intense, somehow mean, he didn't think twice about knocking out somebody with one punch even if it was during his work. He had a cold gaze most of the time, he had this infuriating nonchalance even if he was in an interrogation room. It's not that he was despising people around him, but the contempt you could see in his eyes when he was looking at some of them sometimes was almost scary. Of course, that was the image he was giving Victor. Dean wasn't seeing him the same way, even if he only saw him a few times. For him, Nick could be dangerous but he was willing to trust the man because Jimmy was trusting him. And for Jimmy, Nick was the best person he had ever met. Victor didn't know if he was giving people different images of him on purpose or if it was just because he couldn't behave in an appropriate way with everyone. He had to show his true self with others. He didn't like Victor so he was cold and mean with him. He loved Jimmy so he was sweet, caring, fascinated by the man, looking at him like he was his everything.

Or maybe he was just a manipulating son of a bitch? Victor couldn't tell.

 

In another bar of the town were Jimmy and Dean, drinking beers. Sam had to join them but was apparently late.

"I know you guys don't really like him but..." Jimmy said, staring at his bottle.

"Who? Me and Henriksen?" Dean asked.

"And Sonny." Jimmy said, looking away this time. He knew they didn't really like Nick because of the first impression they had of him. But at the same time, Jimmy felt like it was unfair. He had to be interrogated like he was a suspect just because Henriksen was acting like an ass. Jimmy didn't have many friends. Not because of his father, not because he was mean or anything. It was a personnal choice, he didn't really like to be with a lot of people, he didn't like to go out late at night with a bunch of people who will be too drunk to be aware of what they're doing, he was just not that much of a social person. So it was important to him that Dean like his boyfriend.

"Hey guys!" Sam said as he finally arrived. Dean and Jimmy directly looked at him and Dean had a bright smile.

"Sammy, finally!" He said, pushing a third bottle of beer towards the man.

"Yeah, sorry... Jess and I had to see some things for the marriage." Sam said with a little smile. He sat at the table and took the third bottle to take a sip. "How you doing Jimmy, it's been a while!" He said. Jimmy smiled and nodded a bit.

"I'm fine." He simply said before he took a sip too.

"What were you guys talking about?" He asked, happy to be with his brother and his friend. Jimmy shrugged but Dean talked.

"Jimmy's boyfriend." He said with a big smile.

"Oh, right! The famous Nick, am I right?" Sam asked with a laugh.

"Did you talk about him to Sam?" Jimmy asked, looking at Dean with a visible annoyance.

"Well, yeah, I told you I would gossip about you!" Dean said, apparently amused.

"I didn't think you were serious." Jimmy said, rolling his eyes and looking at Sam.

"Come on, he didn't say anything embarrassing, really. But I told him I wanted to hear more from you instead of his version. So what, you're in love and you didn't tell me yourself?" He asked.

Dean made a face and Jimmy looked at his bottle. He felt like they were high school girls. Dean started to argue with Sam about the fact he probably wasn't in love since they weren't going out for that long but Sam was sure it could be possible. He fell in love with Jess really fast. Jimmy had already stopped listening to them. He actually stopped when he heard Sam's question. Was he in love, really? That was a hard thing to say because how was he supposed to know how being in love was when he never had been before? So, he tried to know. He thought about Nick. As soon as he did, he had a little smile. He kept staring at his bottle, lost in his thoughts. Was his heart ready to give so much love to someone? When he started seeing Nick more regularly, he wondered from where the hell the man came from. His way of doing things was so weird. Now he was smiling like an idiot when he was thinking about the blond, it was as simple as that. Nick was making him feel good, making him smile and laugh, making him feel safe and precious. Like he was worth something, not like the hated son of a hated man. Those around Jimmy were probably seeing him like a potentially dangerous person with a dark personnality while he was only bringing light in Jimmy's life. He was like a firefly in the depth of the night. Being with him was like touching directly the freedom, it was like driving without a license. Going out with Nick was like giving the finger to everyone. And yeah, Jimmy liked seeing Nick being all intimidating. Strong. Not afraid and sure of what he was doing or saying. And he was hot. That was great too. Jimmy gritted his teeth. It was like he could make Nick his religion. Nick was representing all the possibilities Jimmy could have, he was driving him on the other side of the planet just by opening his eyes next to him in the morning, with his messy hair and his deep voice. Those were the only moments Nick wasn't totally understanding what was going on because he was too sleepy for that. And he was so soft with Jimmy, especially during those mornings. He was hugging him a lot like he just wanted to be in his arms and not do anything else during the day. He almost made Jimmy be late for work a few times because of that, he loved cuddling with Nick. The blond was taking care of him when he was feeling down, when he was under pressure.

Jimmy looked up, glancing at his friends.

"I am." He said. Sam and Dean stopped talking, looking at him. Sam smiled but Dean stared at him, apparently surprised.

"What?" He asked, receiving a bitch face from Sam.

"I am in love. I'm pretty sure what I feel is love." He said, frowning a bit. Was he? Yeah, he definitly was. He smiled a little, he felt a warm wave going through his body and he smiled even more. "I need to do something. I'll be back soon." He said, getting up and walking towards the door. He got out of the bar. The cold weather of the evening hit him right in the face but he didn't care, his body was burning. He took a long breath and grabbed his phone in his pocket. He composed Nick's number and waited. He knew he was working so he wasn't sure if he would actually pick up but if he had to, he would go directly to the bar. But Nick did pick up, he was never missing one of his calls. It reassured Jimmy and he didn't even know why.

"Jimmy, what is it?" Nick asked, concerned. He was still in the bar, in front of Victor. This one seemed intrigued but didn't say anything, he kept drinking.

"N-Nick, listen. Listen to me, I know that um... The motel is like... That you can go back there but I don't want you to." He said, suddenly shy. He was always afraid of what Nick could be thinking about him. But Nick was always smiling. He was always glad to hear Jimmy's voice and even more when he was directly talking to him. He wasn't judging him, not ever. "You can stay at my place, don't you think?" He asked, feeling his body burning hot again. He hated that, he wasn't a teenage girl talking to her crush. And at the same time, he was really excited about all those new feelings. "I mean, isn't my place better than a motel? Plus, I mean, you've been there all the time lately, and I had a good time and so I thought that maybe you too and-"

"Jimmy." Nick said with a little smile on his face as he leaned against the bar. "You don't need to find excuses. The fact you just want me there is all I need to convince me." He said. He waited to hear something else from Jimmy but he wasn't saying anything. Nick chuckled. "Still there?" He asked. It was so weird for Victor to see Nick laugh. He blinked a few times. As soon as he saw who was calling, he seemed really relaxed and kept a smirk on his face.

"Y-Yes! I just... Yeah, I want you there. At my place. With me." Jimmy said, still anxious.

"Okay then. Let's do it." Nick replied, still smiling. His own heart was beating faster even if he didn't show any other sign of happiness than his smile and his cheerful voice. He was actually as happy as Jimmy but he wasn't able to express that properly. He heard Jimmy laughing a bit. "Why are you laughing?" He asked, totally distracted now. He didn't care about Victor or the bar anymore. He'd rather listen to Jimmy's laugh.

"I'm just... I don't know... Happy?" He said. Nick closed his eyes with a satisfied smile. If Jimmy was happy, everything was fine. He heard a voice saying he had to hung up and work. He recognized his boss but he didn't really acknowledge his presence. That's something Victor had noticed too. Nick was doing that a lot, not aknowledging other people presence if he wasn't caring about them at the moment. It was like you had to be special to stimulate him enough. And he probably wasn't stimulated by the same people during a long time, he was already bored with Victor that night.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." Nick said softly. He heard Jimmy laugh a little again. He smiled before he hung up his phone to work again. Not looking at Victor anymore. Not at all. He didn't glance at him, didn't talk to him, didn't pay attention to anyone really. He wasn't making eye contact when he was giving customers their drinks. No one here was able to stimulate his brain, he was bored with them. Victor left a few minutes after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there was more Victor this chapter, he's a really important character in this story and I need him to interact with both Jimmy and Nick while I also need him to make the story move forward. He acted like an ass (and he is one, at least a bit, in this story) but I hope it doesn't bother you too much to read about him that much. I try to make you like him even a bit though, he's not that mean, he had his reasons.  
> ANYWAY. I also wanted to make Jimmy and Nick's relationship evolve.  
> I hope I'm gonna have time to write the following soon but sorry if it takes me some time again !


	8. Profile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been SO long !! I really couldn't write for a while, I had a major block and I'm still very slow but it's coming back.  
> I thought I would actually update my other fic first, my next chapter is almost finished but I suddenly found out what I wanted to do with this one. I wanted it to be longer and at the same time, I thought it would be good to stop it there so I hope you will like it. 
> 
> BEFORE YOU READ. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON AT SOME POINT IN THIS CHAPTER. (maybe you want to read that when you arrive at the italic part of the chapter to not be "spoiled" if you figure out what you're gonna read)
> 
> There is this part in Jimmy's mind only. What he imagines is in italic. The parts in bold (i think it's like that you say it) are what he asks to himself. The questions he has at that moment to make what he imagines right. And if the text in italic is stopped by normal text, it's what is going on outside Jimmy's mind, around him or what he really is doing. 
> 
> I hope it's understandable, it's 2 am right now so I don't know if I explain correctly, I'm tired. xD
> 
> ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER that everything Nick says or does is important. I mean most of the time. You will figure out a lot when I will write a bit in his pov because I want to sort some things out.

Jimmy walked in the coffee him and Nick were the last time Nick tried to make Jimmy relax. It was kind of an important place. That's where he was trying to be calm and more aware of what was going on around him. And they decided that when Nick was working during the night, Jimmy and him would meet there for the breakfast since they wouldn't see each other during the rest of the day.

Nick was already there, sitting on the same chair as the last time. Next to a window, he had a leg crossed on the other and a book in his right hand. Jimmy's heart skipped a beat when Nick looked up. Yet, Nick didn't move, he just stared at Jimmy until this one walked towards him to sit on the seat in front of him. Jimmy glanced at the street on his left before he looked at Nick again. This one closed the book and put it slowly on the table before he crossed his arms. He smiled at Jimmy.

"You look tired." Nick said. Jimmy shrugged.

"So do you." Jimmy said with a little smile, knowing it wasn't for the same reasons. He glanced at the book and tilted his head. So that's what Nick took from his desk. "I see you found something to distract you." He said. Nick didn't look at the book, he kept staring at Jimmy's face as he shrugged.

"Yeah. Nothing wrong with that, right?" He asked. Jimmy shook his head and finally met Nick's eyes again. He wondered how Nick knew this book was in his desk. He actually thought that Nick probably noticed he had it with him sometimes and figured Nick guessed it was in the precinct. But why take it from him without saying anything? He didn't ask.

"Nah." He said.

"So you don't mind if I highlighted the parts I really liked?" Nick asked. Jimmy shook his head. He was honest, he didn't seem to be bothered at all. "Great. And I spilled some coffee on it, sorry. I wasn't paying attention." Nick said, glancing at his mug before he met Jimmy's eyes again.

"It's okay, you didn't do it on purpose." Jimmy said. Nick smiled a bit and pushed the book towards Jimmy with the tip of his fingers.

"I know. I actually didn't do anything to your book." He said. Jimmy's expression didn't change and Nick gave him a little smile. Jimmy's reaction was interesting. Jimmy only glanced at the book before he stared at Nick again.

"Don't give it back, you should finish it first. It's a really good book." He said.

"I finished it." Nick said.

"Already?" He asked. "But you took it yesterday and you were working." Jimmy whispered, looking at the book again.

"I read fast." Nick said, staring at Jimmy until this one looked at him again. "You liked it?"

"Yeah. My father gave it to me a long time ago." Jimmy said.

"And what are you going to give him, today?" Nick asked. Jimmy seemed surprised during a second, then, he gave Nick a sweet smile.

"I don't know. I think we're just going to eat some cake." He said, tilting his head. Nick smiled back and joined his hands on his leg. Then, Jimmy took a few seconds before he opened his mouth again but nothing came out so he just closed it.

"What's on your mind?" Nick asked. When Jimmy shrugged, Nick simply tilted his head and waited. He didn't say anything, he let Jimmy try to make something out of his thoughts.

"A few things." Jimmy said after a while.

"You can tell me anything." Nick said. Jimmy knew that, it had been repeated enough. But in a way, he needed Nick to say it to him. It was a way to make him feel safe and it was making him open up a bit more everytime Nick was saying those five words. Jimmy pursed his lips and looked down at his hands, joined on his lap.

"I just..." Jimmy said, looking at Nick again. This one slightly nodded to encourage him to continue. "You gave Henriksen the CDs, right?" He asked without expecting any answers.

"Is that a problem?" Nick asked. He knew it wasn't, really, but Jimmy was just beating about the bush. He seemed hesitant. "Jimmy?"

"It's just that... You knew I wanted to watch them again, didn't you?" He finally asked, looking down as he lowered his tone. It really wasn't about the conversation with Victor, then.

"See, it wasn't that difficult. Am I upset?" Nick asked. Jimmy still didn't look at him but shook his head slowly. "It's all good, Jimmy." Nick said with a smile. He slowly leaned a bit towards Jimmy, the table separating them. He was trying to have Jimmy's attention again. It took a few seconds before their eyes met. "I knew you wanted that. But you don't need to watch them again. I saw you when you were watching them. It hurts you." He explained.

Jimmy stayed silent for a moment. Nick was right, Jimmy hated to see his father like that. But he wasn't sure if what was bothering him was seeing his father admitting his crimes, or seeing his father about to be locked up for life. And that's when he realized he didn't really stop thinking about that since he saw the videos. Again, Nick knew that before he did himself. Jimmy sighed and met Nick's eyes again.

"I understand... Thank you." Jimmy said. Nick smiled at him and tilted his head. "So, you took the time to go there just to give him the CDs? Dean told me the conversation with Victor was pretty heated."

"As always." Nick said. "It's not my fault, he keeps trying to interrogate me. I thought he had to arrest me to do something like that." Nick said. Jimmy could hear the sarcasm in his words. He raised his eyebrows for half a second as he looked down.

"Yeah, he has too. He didn't talk to us about that. Probably because of me. I thought he understood that it wouldn't..." Jimmy said, not knowing how to finish this sentence. It made him frowned. Why couldn't he find his words? Something was telling him it would sound wrong. He glanced at Nick to see his expression. He had the same smile as before on his face, like he was slightly amused. Jimmy couldn't tell if he was amused by the conversation or by Victor's behavior. Or was it something else? Of course, it was. It was something Jimmy couldn't understand for now because he didn't want to allow himself to face it.

"Is that it, Jimmy?" Nick asked. Jimmy shrugged as he leaned a bit on his seat. For now, it was. "I have something to talk about too. Can I?" He then asked. Nick knew he didn't need permission, Jimmy knew that as well but he didn't say anything. He just nodded. "Your last victim. It's the guy who was fighting with the one I knocked out in the bar." Nick said. Jimmy's heart skipped a beat and he met Nick's eyes again.

"How do you know something like that?" Jimmy asked, more than surprised. Nick shrugged.

"I was waiting for Victor and there was the board with the information on the victims. I read it and I saw the pictures on it." He said. He could remember every single words that were on this board now that he read them. Jimmy frowned.

"That's bad, Nick. Victor is going to talk to his friends and family. They will know in what bar he was before, the one you work in, Victor will come to you as soon as he will know that."

"What are you trying to say, Jimmy?" Nick asked. He seemed really calm as he turned his head to look through the window. "Why are you panicking?"

"I just... It's just... If he keeps asking you questions... I just thought that... I don't want you to have any more problems because of this case."

"Can he arrest me?" Nick asked Jimmy. It wasn't like the victim was the one that he punched. Nick had nothing against the guy. Jimmy pursed his lips, staring at Nick who was still looking at the people on the sidewalk and didn't seem to be bothered by anything.

"I... I guess not... I don't know, I just..." Jimmy said. He couldn't find his words, he was suddenly very afraid for Nick. But why?

"So I was thinking..." Nick began to say, finally moving. He looked at Jimmy again, leaning a bit forward to be closer to him again, his arms on the table and his hands joined. "Did you, like... Made a profile of the suspect?" He asked. Jimmy frowned.

"Nick... I'm not supposed to give any information... You already know too much." Jimmy said. But he wanted to talk about it with him. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Jimmy nodded.

"I guess you're looking into sex offenders, in their... What, late thirtees? Fourtees maybe, something like that." Nick said. Jimmy nodded again, not sure of what he was doing, talking about that with Nick. "What if it had nothing to do with sex?" He asked. He could see Jimmy's chest moving a bit faster than a few minutes before. Something was going on in his mind and Nick had finally a chance. "What if it was... Domination." Nick said with the same smile as before. He still looked a bit amused and Jimmy didn't know how to deal with all of this.

"What do you mean?" He asked, noticing his tone was very low, like he was somehow afraid.

"I'm just saying but... From what I saw, it's not the only victim he didn't have sex with, am I right?" Nick asked. Jimmy knew he didn't have to say that Nick was. "The two crime scenes before this one. One guy and then, the one with the agent. Gordon." Nick said, tilting a bit his head. Jimmy took a very deep breath. "He didn't have sex with them either. Right?" He asked. Jimmy nodded again.

"B-But... I mean, he was interrupted by Gordon once, and... He didn't planned he would have to kill him too." Jimmy said.

"Or did he? And the one after them?" Nick asked. "Think about it, Jimmy. Didn't you tell me you could imagine it?" Nick said. He still had this glow in his eyes, showing he was amused. But his smile was now very soft. Jimmy didn't notice he had stopped breathing. "Think about it, Jimmy. Learn with what you see." He whispered. His eyes were locked in Jimmy's. The cop looked like he was lost and he slowly became even more absent after a few seconds. He leaned on his seat, still looking at Nick before he finally closed his eyes, gritting his teeth. "You know he wants you to learn, you told me the message was there for you. What did he do there, Jimmy? You don't need to be afraid." Nick said to reassure the man. He glanced around him before he stared at Jimmy again.

The cop was deep in his thoughts now.

 

Jimmy was trying to relax but he wasn't sure about what he was trying to do exactly. Still, he imagined himself in the action.

_He was in front of the motel, waiting for Duke to come back. He had his hood on his head and was in the shadows. He could see Gordon at the entry. The lights in the motel were almost all turned off. The street was lighted but it was still very dark. Where he was, nobody could see him. He didn't need to follow Duke. **But why? The people who saw him at the bar told the cops he wasn't with anyone so how did the killer found him? He must have knew his habits.** He knew he would come home drunk. And he knew he could wait for him right there. **Why did he want Duke to be drunk? Why do it in a motel? Why going in after Duke would come back drunk? He wasn't changing his m.o that much, in the end. But why?** _

_**Because he wanted the police to know it was him.** _

_When Duke finally came in the motel, he kept staring at him. It would be a good night. He was feeling good, relaxed. He already knew about Gordon. **How could he know about Gordon?** Jimmy closed his eyes, voices that he shouldn't be hearing were around him. _

"Stay focused, Jimmy." Nick said, staring at Jimmy. He knew the noise around them might be disturbing him. But Nick needed that noise. Jimmy needed to be ready to react in any situation. To see those things even with a knife against his throat.

_**If he knew Gordon was an agent, it was either because he was living there, either because he was a part of the investigation.** Jimmy opened his eyes again, seeing the motel in front of him. He crossed the street and didn't move his head. He couldn't let Gordon see his face now or he would have to kill him right away and he didn't want to do that right away. **But why? Because he didn't want to kill the agent if he didn't need to? He had to know he would call for back up. Why letting him do that? Even if Gordon had seen his face, how sure was he that the agent would be able to describe him on the phone if he was seeing him in the dark? It wasn't that.**_

**_It was because Gordon would recognize him._ **

_So he kept walking until he arrived in front of Duke's door. **How did he entered there? Duke was drunk but he wasn't with him before. There weren't any sign of breaking. Duke had to know him to let him walk in. Or it wasn't that. When Duke opened the door, maybe he shoved him and entered?** He knocked on the door. Duke opened. Jimmy walked in and didn't wait to attack the man. Gordon probably called the cops already. He couldn't waste his time. **  
**_

_**Something was wrong. The door had to be closed. If it was open, Gordon could have just shoot him. And if he had to close the door after he shoved Duke in, this one would have took the time to defend himself, even drunk.  
** _

Jimmy took a deep breath as he rewinded his own imagination. _ **  
**_

_Duke let him enter, closed the door and talked with him. Then, he was attacked._ ** _But what happened then? Gordon came in. Gordon... He was shot from behind. Did he try to escape? He also had another injury on his head. He had been knocked out with an object first. Jimmy remembered the pieces of glass near the body._** _He had to hide. Duke was on the floor because he hit him a few times already and now, Jimmy was hiding and Gordon entered. He saw the vase on a furniture near the door and as Gordon was helping Duke, he hit Gordon with the vase. That's when he took his gun. He had to take it away from the agent, and he was also going to use it._ **  
**

_First, he closed the door again. The three of them were in the room. Jimmy looked around him. **Did he stabbed Duke before he shot him? Did he firstly used the gun just to keep him still?** He looked at Duke. At that point, the man was hurt and probably not going to try to escape. **Didn't Uriel said the stabs wounds were post-mortem?** Jimmy looked at the gun in his hand. He shot Duke, this one fell on the floor, against the wall, and that's when he went to stab him. He couldn't help it. It was a need for him. **For the killer. Only for the killer.** _

_**Gordon had seen his face, he couldn't just go. But the way he fell on the floor wasn't right. He was facing Duke and not the door right now. So, he probably had to be awake. Nick was right. It was a question of domination. Gordon had to do what he was asked.** When Gordon opened his eyes again, he made him turn around, he had fun making him obey. And then he shot him. He didn't take the time to stab him. **Because it wasn't a question of sexual release after all.**_

Nick was right.

 

Jimmy snapped out of it. He opened his eyes and got up. Nick didn't move, he just followed Jimmy's moves with his eyes. Their eyes met for a second before Jimmy turned around. He had to get out. Nick stood up an followed him directly. Jimmy was taking a deep breath, his eyes closed as he was trying to forget what he had just imagined. His hands were shaking and his heart was beating too fast. He felt two hands on his shoulders and he was guided in the alley next to the building. That's when Nick made him turn around to face him. Their eyes met again. Jimmy's were being filled with tears and Nick was still pressing his shoulders between his fingers.

"It's okay, Jimmy. Everything's fine." He said. But Jimmy shook his head.

"It isn't fine, Nick... It's not..." Jimmy almost whispered as his fingers gripped Nick's t-shirt. He leaned against the man, his forehead against his shoulder. He could feel Nick's arms coming around him to make him feel safer. "I don't want to do that again..." He said.

Nick pursed his lips as his hands were going up and down on Jimmy's back. He softly kissed his head.

"It's okay. If it's not fine, you're going to be." He said. Again, Jimmy shook his head before he looked at Nick again.

"How?" Jimmy asked. Nick softly smiled and dried Jimmy's cheeks with his tumbs. He let his hands on his cheeks before he kissed his forehead.

"Because I'm with you." Nick then said before he hugged Jimmy again.

 

* * *

 

"You're not eating?" Drew asked his son. Jimmy glanced at his cake and shrugged. They were in a large room with a few tables. They weren't alone. Two other persons were visiting some criminals, like Jimmy was, so they weren't talking too loud to keep some sort of fake intimacy.

"Actually, I ate with a friend not long ago..." He said before he met his father's eyes. This one was eating his second piece of cake. He was still cuffed, even with his good behavior in prison. He was a dangerous man and even after more than ten years there, he wasn't trusted. It didn't bother him, he was just happy to be able to see his son once in a while. Even more since they weren't forced to talk through phones with a glass separating them anymore.

That day, Jimmy brought a little cake for him, like every year for his birthday. But this time, something was off with his son.

"When you say friend, you're talking about that Dean guy?" Drew asked. Jimmy chuckled and slowly shook his head. 

"Nah. Someone else, dad." He said as he met his father's eyes again. 

"Still, I don't remember something like that ever stopped you from eating cake." Drew said with a smile. He could remember how Jimmy was when he could eat cake. He even ate so much of his birthday cake once that he had been sick. Jimmy shrugged.

"What is bothering you, James?" He asked. Again, Jimmy shrugged. 

"I don't know..." He mumbled. "There's a lot of things happening around me. I'm working on this case and we can't find anything. I feel like I can't do anything good. That's all." Jimmy said. He had a shy smile and his father frowned a bit. 

"Of course you can do things the right way. It's normal to hit a wall sometimes. But you're going to find a solution, you have always been a smart kid." Drew said with a little smile. He was proud of his son. 

"Speaking of the case, you will never believe who I'm working with." Jimmy said as he smirked. His father raised an eyebrow the exact same way Jimmy was doing sometimes. 

"Tell me." He said. 

"Henriksen." Jimmy said. His father narrowed his eyes a moment, looking away. He knew this name. It took him a few seconds to remember. Jimmy could see the glow of understanding in his father's eyes and he tilted his head. "His son, obviously." 

"Really? What were the odds?" Drew asked as he chuckled. Jimmy shrugged, still smiling. 

If someone was listening to this conversation, knowing that Drew shot Victor's father, they would find this really weird. Jimmy was talking casually about that, smiling a bit and his father laughing about this coincidence. They would think "Like father, like son". That's probably why people didn't like Jimmy that much. 

He was odd. 

"I know, right? He hates me." Jimmy said, looking at his father's plate during a second. 

"Is he rough on you?" Drew asked. 

"Yeah, quite a bit. But I don't care all that much." Jimmy said. "He's quite the character. Because of his hatred, he's accusing the friend I was talking about, Nick, of the murders." Jimmy said, crossing his arms. 

"You're spending a lot of time with that friend?" Drew asked. Jimmy nodded and Drew tilted his head. Their eyes met during a few seconds and it seemed like they were mentally conversing. Again, it took a few seconds for Drew to realize what was going on with that Nick and he nodded. "I get it. Well, don't let him get to you. You're better than that." He said. Jimmy smirked again. 

"I know, he's just irritating." Jimmy said. "He'll be gone as soon as the case is closed anyway." 

And finally, Jimmy took his fork to start eating the piece of cake on his plate. They stayed silent during a minute, Drew staring at his son before he spoke again, lower than before. 

"James... How's your mother, lately?" Drew asked. He didn't see her since the trial. Jimmy looked up. He knew his father was loving his mother, he knew he wanted to see her. He also knew that his mother would never show up, even if she was telling that one day, she would have the strength to do it. So he shrugged. 

"As usual, I guess. It's been a while since the last time I saw her, actually. Too much work." He said between two bites. "I call her a few times during the week, though. She sounds alright but..." Jimmy said, meeting his father's eyes. 

"Still doesn't want to come. I get it, don't worry." He said. Jimmy pursed his lips and looked at his cake again. "It's understandable. At first I was surprised to see you come regularly. But I'm glad you do." He said. 

They exchanged a look and Jimmy smiled at his father. They kept on eating, Jimmy took a second piece when his father stopped to eat. They also kept on talking for a while. About different things, Jimmy mentionned the case once again at some point and it leaded him to talk about Nick. 

"That Nick of yours remind me of this guy's son. He talked about him sometimes." 

"What's his name?" Jimmy asked. His father shrugged. 

"Didn't ask, didn't care. He didn't stay for too long. He's talking alone most of the time. I don't think he's supposed to be in this kind of prison you know, it was just a transfer thing." Drew said. Jimmy knew, yeah. Apparently, this guy should be in a mental instituation. But Nick had his father institutionalized already. 

"And do you know what he did?" Jimmy asked. 

"I heard people talking about some mental breakdown where he was treated. Something like that. But you know the worst? Apparently, he was already some kind of phenomenon at his place. The violent kind. But you know, he was insane so it's no suprise to me." Drew said. Jimmy pursed his lips. He thought about Nick's father. He was schizophrenic and Nick simply said he took care of it but what if things happened before? Like with this guy? 

"And you said he was talking about his son?" Jimmy asked. 

"I feel like I'm being interrogated by a cop all over again." Drew said before he chuckled again. Jimmy smirked and leaned on his seat. "I'm thinking 'bout it because his son's name is Nick. A smart guy apparently. Anyway, he couldn't stop bragging about him. I mean, I don't brag about you and you know I could."

Jimmy looked down as he smiled shyly. It was so weird to imagine his father could have done those horrible things. He was so nice with Jimmy. His father told Jimmy a bit more about this son and after a moment, a guard near the door came in and told them it was time for Drew to go back in his cell. Jimmy didn't hesitate to hug his father before he watched him leave the room. 

 

* * *

 

When Jimmy came back to his appartment, Nick was there. He was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper, meticulously placed on the table. He seemed focused, moving his lips like he was doing when he was thinking seriously about some things. At least, from what Jimmy could understand, that's why he was doing that. 

Jimmy put the box with the rest of the cake in the fridge and walked towards Nick, sitting next to him. Usually, he couldn't distract Nick when he was like that. And usually, he was waiting for Nick to be done. But not this time. 

"Nick...?" Jimmy asked, not expecting any reaction. "Is your father in prison or something?" He asked without restraint. That's when he saw it. 

Nick's lips stopped moving. Jimmy knew Nick was hearing him when he was talking during those times but Nick wasn't disturbed by that and was usually answering him when he was done thinking about whatever the hell he was focused on. But this time, Jimmy knew something was different. It took Nick five whole seconds to finally start again. He seemed a bit lost though. 

"Nick, please... I need to talk to you... Look at me..." Jimmy almost whipered, putting his hand on Nick's shoulder. This one closed his eyes and he took his time to get out of his head. After a minute, he turned it to look at Jimmy. 

"You're home." He said, stating an obvious fact like he was doing sometimes. Jimmy nodded and bit his lower lip. After a second, Nick slowly smiled, his body became less tensed and he repeated those words on a softer tone before he leaned for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I guess this chapter give you guys a lot of infos. I hope you're making some theories up, I always like to read them. :D I hope you enjoyed, I'm sorry it took me so long to update and I think that's it. :D
> 
> See you next time ! (hopefully it will not take me as long as it took me for this chapter)


	9. Feast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys okay so I was listening to some old music that was on my computer (Breaking Benjamin and particularly The Diary Of Jane (the acoustic version) ) and I don't know if it's because I started daydreaming about Nick singing it to Jimmy as "The Diary of James" in a very particular context linked to this fic but I suddenly knew what I wanted to write for this chapter. 
> 
> I think it's the longest one I wrote for this fic, it's like 6700+ words and I really like it (which is good since I had mixed feelings about the last one.)  
> My inspiration is slowly really coming back, I think it's because of the feedbacks I got on those fics on tumblr (http://h-stan.tumblr.com/), it really made me want to write more again. I hope you will like it. 
> 
> Oh and "spoiler": NICK POV GUYS. IT WAS ABOUT TIME. 
> 
> I am so very excited about this chapter guys, I really like it.
> 
> And a last reminder: when the text in in italic, it means it's Jimmy's imagination, the bold types are for when Jimmy reasonnates. He thinks about something he saw or why it shouldn't work that way to correct his own imagination.

Everything happened so fast.

Nick was sitting on the edge of the bed. The room was dark and he was looking in front of him. 

He was calm, in peace with himself again. He could feel his heart beating slowly in his chest. He could hear the clock ticking every time a second was passing. His breath was slow, he knew where he was but he was somehow absent, stuck in his head, thinking about what drove him there.

Nick remembered the pressure he was inflicting on that neck. How his victim was trying to remove Nick's hands from there. How the nails attacked his arms. He could still feel every touches on his fingers, on his skin. He could feel how the warm of the body left his palms to be replaced by the room temperature. It seemed cold, at that time. He remembered the short breaths coming from the body on the floor.

Finally, he was allowed to be himself.

Nick closed his eyes.

 

* * *

_Three days ago..._

* * *

 

Sitting at the table, Nick slowly broke the soft kiss he gave Jimmy, looking at him with a little smile.

"Nick... Are you feeling okay?" Jimmy asked. Nick tilted his head as he frowned, curious. Of course he was feeling okay. He nodded. "Then, did you hear what I just asked you?" Jimmy asked. This time, as he frowned even more, Nick shook his head. "It was about your father, Nick, you heard me." Jimmy said. He knew Nick heard him; he saw his reaction.

Nick looked down. It seemed like his ears were blocked up. He heard his own name like someone far away was saying it. He blinked and could hear clearly again.

"W-what?" Nick asked Jimmy. This one was surprised. He had never seen Nick being taken aback that way. He put his hand on Nick's thigh. _  
_

"If you just don't want to talk about it, you can tell me so." Jimmy said. Nick gritted his teeth, meeting Jimmy's eyes. Then, he turned his head to look at the newspaper again.

"We can talk about it." He finally said. For some reason, he stopped talking to take the time he needed to fold the newspaper again. He did it perfectly before he slowly pushed it near the corner of the table. He sighed and turned his head to see Jimmy again. "What do you want to know?" He asked. Jimmy knew he was asking which part of the story he should ask about.

"Why was he in jail?" Jimmy asked. Now, he knew Nick was going to talk and probably stay relatively calm. But what happened a minute before... It's like Nick deliberately blacked out. Like Jimmy never asked about his father. Like he came home and was greeted by Nick.

"A few months ago, I had this phone call. It was the police." Nick said as he met Jimmy's eyes again. "Apparently, my father had this breakdown. He killed a nurse. He escaped. I had to come take care of it since I'm his only relative." He said. Jimmy frowned a bit as he narrowed his eyes. Was that all?

"What happened, then?" He asked. Nick looked down for a second. Jimmy could see Nick's jaw moving as the man gritted his teeth again. What was this emotion? He never saw it on Nick. Was it some sort of shame?

Somehow, it was. His father was the only thing making Nick act like that. Like he was uncomfortable. Unsure. Distrub.

Vulnerable, in a way.

It was like for once, the roles were reversed. Nick wasn't the one having to reassure Jimmy. And at the same time, he still had the same presence he always had. He didn't look really lost or almost panicking. He just couldn't find the words he should be using because he never had to talk about it. So for once, he didn't exactly know how to approach this touchy subject. And Jimmy remembered his own father's words. Apparently, the guy used to be violent, sometimes. Maybe he had to show Nick he was in a safe place too? Like Nick was showing him almost everyday. So, Jimmy slowly ran his fingers through Nick's hair before he let his hand rest on his neck.

This whole situation was what Nick wanted to happen. But the fact was that he didn't think it would have happened that fast. He was proud of Jimmy, he was learning faster that he thought he would. But it meant he had to act faster too.

Nick never thought about Jimmy as someone inferior to him, mentally speaking, but he knew how Jimmy's mind was working. He was repressing some of the things he was discovering with that case because he didn't want to face the truth. Jimmy was blacking out a lot of things too, he just didn't know it. Nick noticed his own action after they started to talk about his own father again. But there were a lot of things Jimmy was ignoring on purpose but without noticing he was doing it. Because it was just the work of his mind, he couldn't see it yet. Because he wasn't ready yet. So, Nick was acting in accordance with what Jimmy was remembering. That's how he was working on his method to make Jimmy learn more about himself but also about the case.

He was showing Jimmy he had someone he could rely on. He was showing Jimmy he had someone to talk to, who would listen and more importantly, someone who was able to understand his state of mind. Someone to take care of him in every situation. Nick wasn't playing just to get what he wanted. He wanted to be that person to Jimmy. He needed it and now, he was.

At the same time, Nick was studying Jimmy. He was studying how his behavior was changing. How confident he was becoming. He was also studying how Jimmy was reacting to his actions. First, Nick made him talk about all those things Jimmy wanted to avoid, to show him that if he wanted to talk about anything, he would be there without judging him. Then, he had been a bit intrusive with the case, starting with the photo on his phone. Again, he showed Jimmy he knew what was going on in his mind. And he showed him love and affection despite that.

At that time, Nick had already fell for the man, but he noticed it wasn't stopping and that it wouldn't stop. Every time he was looking at Jimmy's face, he was feeling like he was falling more in love with him than he already was. And he liked that, so he showed Jimmy how much he loved him. He was taking care of him, he was having more physical contacts that he ever had with anyone, he was showing him affection by simple gestures like the bath after his long day of work, like the kisses and touches he was sometimes giving Jimmy for no apparent reason. Because if Nick had to face the truth, he didn't know how this kind of relation was really working, even though he knew everything else. But the way he was clumsily showing Jimmy that he loved him was, for Jimmy, the only cute thing about Nick.

Jimmy was now totally trusting him and he was trusting Jimmy. And with this last conversation, he knew what he could do, now. He knew Jimmy wouldn't be a problem, it was actually the opposite. Because Jimmy was slowly realizing everything.

He had been testing the man with his words and his actions. Like with his book. Jimmy really wouldn't have been annoyed, angry even, if Nick had trashed this book. Even though it was a precious book for Jimmy. Because if Nick was responsible, it wasn't a problem, it would never be. If it had been somebody else's fault, his reaction would have been different.

He knew Jimmy wouldn't betray him. Like he wouldn't betray Jimmy.

After all, they were the same.

"I ran away." Nick finally sighed. He glanced at Jimmy, meeting his eyes. It's not that he was ashamed of his actions, but he didn't want Jimmy to see him as a coward. He wasn't. And he just didn't want Jimmy to think less of him. He saw Jimmy raising his eyebrows.

"So what?" Jimmy asked after a few seconds. "Big deal." He whispered as he smirked. It took a moment for Nick to smile back. He slowly reached Jimmy's hand on his neck to take it between his palms. He moved it towards his lips to softly kiss it before he looked at Jimmy again. "When Henriksen asked you about the reason you decided to stay here, when he interrogated you... Was it the reason?" Jimmy asked. Nick nodded.

"It was time for me to settle somewhere. Far from home. I guess I chose the right place." Nick said, tilting his head. Jimmy chuckled and leaned to kiss Nick.

Jimmy wanted to know more about all of this but he wasn't going to ask more. Even if his behavior was slowly changing, he was still afraid to upset Nick in some way, even if it never happened before.  
Nick knew perfectly what Jimmy was going to do but he didn't say anything either. He knew and he would let him do it. After all, Nick also knew some things about Jimmy without having to ask about it because of Drew.

When Nick broke the kiss, he pressed Jimmy's cheek with a smile.

"How did it go with your father?" He asked. Jimmy smiled a little. They stayed really close as Jimmy told Nick how it went, without mentionning Nick's father anymore.

 

_ㄨ_

 

The next day, Victor was leaning against Jimmy's desk and in front of the white board, reading something in a file. He turned his head to see Jimmy walking in the room, hands in his pocket. He looked preoccupied. Victor didn't mind him and started to read again but Jimmy stopped right next to him.

"Can I talk to you?" Jimmy asked Victor. The agent was surprised and gave him a confused look as he raised his eyebrows. He then cleared his throat, closing the file.

"Of course. What is it?" He asked.

"I'd like to see Nick's file." Jimmy said. Victor frowned, staring at Jimmy. Was this serious? He narrowed his eyes a second.

"Does it mean th-"

"I'm not saying I suspect him of anything. I just want to check something." Jimmy said, looking away. Victor tilted his head, still suspicious. After a while, Jimmy looked at him again. "Please." He said.

"Why don't you ask him what you want to know?" Victor asked. It was normal for him to ask that and Jimmy knew it. He could have asked Nick, he would have told him what he wanted to know. But Jimmy didn't want to make him talk about that.

"Because." Jimmy said. Victor sighed and moved to sit at Jimmy's desk. Jimmy was looking at him, silent. Waiting. Victor had took his phone and it took a minute for him to receive a file directly on Jimmy's computer. He opened it and stood up.

"I'm staying right here." Victor said. Jimmy wasn't looking at him anymore, he just sat down on his chair and looked at the file. It took him a minute to find what he was looking for. Victor was behind the man, leaning a bit to see what he was doing. He heard Jimmy sighing and he glanced at him.

"You knew about it..." Jimmy said before he pursed his lips, looking at the pictures and the report.

"Why do you think I suspect him?" Victor asked. Jimmy looked down. He couldn't keep looking at those picture, at those bruises. Instead, he was staring at his keyboard but it's like the letters weren't making sense anymore. He closed his eyes when Henriksen started to speak again. "It's not the first time I would meet a criminal with his profile, James. It happens often... He was neglected, beaten and now probably mentally unstable. Because of the environment he grew up in or because of schizophrenia. He's damaged. So one day, he snapped." Victor said. "It happens but we need to-"

"Stop that." Jimmy said coldly as he turned his head to stare at Victor. "I didn't want to see that for you to convince me of anything. I just wanted to check. Stop... Stop talking like that." He said. Victor didn't say anything, he just kept looking at Jimmy. Their eyes were locked for a minute before Jimmy turned his head to see the screen again. He glanced at the report.

"He lied." Victor said quietly. Nick never told the police his father did that. His lies were on the report. "He was nine but you know... He always had the same brain. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay at his place if he said it was his father. So he made up a story." He said. Jimmy pursed his lips. Did it happen more than one time? Jimmy couldn't tell. But did it matter, now? He had the courage to leave anyway, even if it took a long time.

"You didn't mention it when you interrogated him. You could have." Jimmy said, knowing that Victor wanted to provoked the man at that time.

"But I didn't." Victor simply said. Jimmy frowned. He stared at one of the pictures once again. Nick was shirtless and had some bruises on his ribs and on his face. He pursed his lips, closed the file and leaned on the back of his seat as he sighed. "What are you gonna do?" Victor asked.

"What do you want me to do? I can't change what happened in the past." He said as he stood up. He turned around to face Victor before he got a bit closer as he met his eyes. "But I want you to do something." He almost whispered.

"What?" Victor said on the same tone.

"Leave him alone." Jimmy said. He seemed calm but Victor could see something in his eyes. Contempt, probably. Hatred, maybe. "If you do not, you will have to deal with me."

"Is that a threat?" Victor asked, still staring at Jimmy. This one slowly walked backwards, still looking at Victor before he turned around to walk towards Sonny's office. Victor took a deep breath as he watched him leave. Then, he looked down during a second. He wasn't about to give up on this lead but he probably had to be careful. He wouldn't be able to change Jimmy's mind, apparently.

 

* * *

  _Present day..._

* * *

 

Jimmy was staring at the first body as the flash of the camera lightened the room. Dean was by his side, looking distressed. It was three in the morning and they were in the dinning room of a house. A man was sitting on a chair in front of the table and a plate. He had a knife in his right hand and a fork in the left one. A fly landed on the chiken on the plate and Dean looked away, making a face. Jimmy tilted his head, staring at the corpse whose eyes were wide open.

His throat was cut and he bled to death on his seat. There were also marks of a rope around his wrists but the killer probably removed it for the staging. He had to control the father while he took care of the two others. Also, according to Uriel, there were some marks of strangulation around his neck. Jimmy pursed his lips as he walked out of the room to go in the kitchen.

The cops were tumbling out in the room but Jimmy's eyes stayed fixed on the pan. The handle was full of blood. Same with the opened fridge's handle and some other objects used to cook the meal in front of the corpse. Dean, who followed Jimmy directly, frowned.

"He really took the time to cook after he killed them?" He asked, making a face again. Jimmy's eyes were slowly moving to check everything in the room before he glanced at Dean, their eyes meeting.

"If he didn't, his scenery wouldn't look right." He said. Dean slowly closed his eyes as he put his hands on his waist, gritting his teeth. He opened his eyes again, glancing at the container near the electric hotplate.

"How is that right? The guy's a total freak." Dean said. Jimmy kept looking at him for a few seconds before he turned around.

"Not in his mind." Jimmy said. "Where did Victor said the other bodies are?" He asked, Dean on his heels.

"The son is in his bedroom and the mother in the bathroom." Dean said. Jimmy arrived in front of the staircase, placed right against a wall. He could see the front door from there and a small furniture knocked over. He narrowed his eyes, noticing how wet the steps were. Then, he looked at the handrail. No blood on the steps but a trace of it on the corner of the wall next to the stairs. The killer probably took care of the two others and killed the father after.

They both went upstairs and walked in the teenager's bedroom. This one was laying on his bed, covered with a few opened comic books. His wrists were slit and with marks of a rope. He also had a bump on his forehead. Some pages of the books were soaked with the blood as well as the matress. But his eyes were closed. Near his bed was his laptop and speakers. After he saw the boy, Jimmy turned around to leave the room and go in the bathroom. On his way on the wet floor, he glanced at an opened room. It seems to be some sort of office. They were in a rich neighborhood so the father was probably some sort of buisnessman. The door had been smashed open. Some papers were on the ground as well as the phone. The plug wasn't in the socket on the wall anymore, the cable was streched out on the floor and the broken receiver at the end of it was in the middle of the room.

Jimmy kept walking to finally walk in the bathroom. Victor was in there with some other cops. He directly looked at the Jimmy and Dean. There was water everywhere on the floor.

"Novak. Winchester." He said. Dean glanced at him but not Jimmy, whose attention was on the corpse in the bathtub.

The mother was in it, eyes closed and one of her arms hanging on the edge. Wrists cut wide open too. The other arm was in the water.

"He let the tap opened and the water ran into the bath until we arrived." Victor said. Jimmy was still looking at the corpse as he took a deep breath. If it wasn't for the visible wrist itself, there would be no trace of blood in this room.

Like the mother should stay pure. She couldn't be tainted while the father could rot with the meat. And the son was laying down, in peace.

At least, that was Jimmy's interpretation.

"Since when are they here?" Dean asked.

"Not long. Two hours, maybe." Victor said, looking at the corpse in the bath.

"How come we were called so fast?" Jimmy asked, finally glancing at Victor.

"The neighbors called. The son's music was so loud it woke their baby up so the father came directly to ask him to stop it. Instead, he found a picture on the door."

"What picture?" Dean asked. Victor pressed a cop's shoulder next to him and asked him to bring the three pictures they found.

"There was one on the front door, one on the son's door and one on this door." Victor explained as he pointed the bathroom's door with his chin. He then looked at the cop when this one came back with the polaroid pictures. Victor took the three little plastic bag they were in and gave them to Jimmy.

The first picture was one of the father, attached at the table, a gag on him. The second one was a picture of the mother, attached in the bath. The other one was one of the son. He was sitting on the edge of his bed. He was visibly crying but forced to smile for the picture. A word was written under every image.

"Open your mind." Dean read as he frowned.

"It's a different handwriting for each of them. I think the killer made them write themselves for their own picture. And that's what make me think it's the same killer we're already tracking." Victor said. Jimmy glanced at Victor, his face still facing the pictures he had in his hands. He looked at them again.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked, perplexed. It was too different to be the same person.

"We will be when the results for the skin found under the father's nails will come back from the lab. If there's a match with the DNA found on the other crime scenes, which is probably the case, it means we still have to deal with only one man." Victor said. "The killer is probably talking to the same person he told he had to learn. Or maybe he's talking to all of us since the beginning. Either way, I don't know what message he's trying to deliver." He said.

"But it's nonsense... Shouldn't it be "Open your eyes", or something like that?" Dean asked. Victor shrugged.

"How could I know? I don't care, what concerns me the most is the modifications between the murders. He's doing everything differently. A family, in a house, he only used real violence against the father, probably to be able to have the upper hand. He didn't stab them, he just slit their wrists. And what about the way we found them? It's like he staged the whole thing." Victor said, looking at Dean and Jimmy again. Dean was listening to his every words but Jimmy was still staring at the pictures. At the words on the white spaces, to be more precise. "Novak, you're listening?" Victor asked. Dean looked at him too.

"The mind can perceive what the eyes cannot see." Jimmy mumbled. Dean raised an eyebrow, confused. Victor frowned.

"What?" Dean asked. Jimmy slowly turned his head towards the body. He remember the exercise he did with Nick. He took a deep breath. He was trying to disregard what was around him.

 

_Jimmy was standing in front of the front door, a backpack on his right shoulder. He walked towards the door, and looked at the button he was pressing. He heard the bell and softly smiled as he turned his head to look at the door. After a while, someone opened. A man. **Probably complaining, this late.** He quickly pressed his hand on the man's mouth and the other on his shoulder to push him inside and close the door with his feet. _

_**There was some stuff on the floor. They fought.** Jimmy had pushed the man against a furniture in the entrance, making the furniture, a frame and a statuette fall on the floor. He let his bag on the ground before the man tried to defend himself. **Blood on the floor.** Jimmy pushed the man on the floor, making him cut his hand with a piece of glass from the frame. Then, he sat on his waist and that's when he began to strangle him. He pressed his neck between his fingers as hard as he could. The man was trying to resist, to remove his hands from his neck. He tried so hard, he scratched him, probably hurt him but Jimmy didn't stop. He kept going. **But he didn't kill him like that. He didn't strangle him long enough. Either he stopped on purpose, either something else made him stop.** Jimmy glanced at the staircase. **Two other persons were in the house. He had to take that into account.**_

_He stopped. The man was almost unconscious, trying to catch his breath. Jimmy acted fast. He grabbed his bag, took a rope and attached the man's hand with it. **Did he just let him laying there. He could find his way out. Did he only strangled him? He probably knocked him out. How? He probably hit him hard enough, he was violent.** Jimmy stood up once again when he was done tying him up. He looked at him during a second before he kicked him directly in the face. **That should do it.** _

**_The mother and the son. They heard the noise, it was certain. They had to come and see what was going on. He tied them up too. But he had been more gentle with them. They didn't call the cops so maybe the came to see what was going on?_ **

A loud sound resonated in Jimmy's head. It was the boy shouting for his father.

_Jimmy looked up to see the son who called his unconscious father. He looked at his prey and their eyes met. The boy was scared. Jimmy was calm. They moved at the same time. The boy turned around to run away and Jimmy started to go after him. He was way faster. He grabbed the boy's arm. He tried to escape. They were in front of the staircase. **The mom was probably there, seeing everything.** Jimmy grabbed the back of his head to hit it against the corner of the wall in order to knock him out. He let the body fall on the parquet in front of the stairs and proceeded to climb the stairs two by two. The woman had started to run away too._

_When Jimmy arrived upstairs, he saw the woman running in a room and slam the door behind her. Jimmy ran towards this door only to hear her lock it. He gritted his teeth, took a few steps backwards and ran into it. He heard the woman scream but he didn't stop until it smashed the door open. He saw directly the woman who screamed once again. She was in front of the desk, the phone in her hand. It took Jimmy a few strides to get to her. He pressed his hand against her mouth, blocking her against the desk. With his other hand, he pressed her wrist between his fingers to make her drop the phone. Since she wouldn't do it, he raised her hand to hit the receiver against the desk to break it.  
_

_Even though it was useless, she kept holding on the phone. Jimmy grabbed her shoulders to make her turn around and pull her with him outside of the room. She kept holding the phone until it unplugged. Then, she finally let go of it and Jimmy had a total control over her. He kept a hand on her mouth to prevent her from making any more noise. He went downstairs with her only to tie her wrists and her legs too and to gag her. He then did the same with her son and her husband who were still unconscious. She was the only one remaining awake._

_Jimmy then proceeded to carry each of them in the room he wanted them to die in. First, the mother. He took the picture and then, he made her sit at the table, tying her up to the chair He did the same with the father when he regained consciousness and finally, he did it with the son. Then, he made them write. The mother was crying. The son was scared and the father was full of hatred. He couldn't protect his family. He had to do what he was ordered to do and he knew he was going to die that night. That his wife and his son were going to die. That he couldn't do anything to prevent that because he had no control over the situation.  
_

_Jimmy was the dominant one there.  
_

_**Once again, the killer was the dominant one. He took his time, he enjoyed every second of it and he would do it again.**  
_

 

In reality, imagining this took a really short time to Jimmy. And this time, he didn't have such a hard time imagining himself in the role of the killer. He was accepting the way his brain was working, he didn't remind himself it wasn't him doing all of those actions. He could tell everything that happened there and was okay with that fact. His hands were shaking a bit but he was also okay with that, for once. He turned his head to look at Victor without saying anything at first. It took him a few more seconds to open his mouth.

"He's blooming." He said, Dean and Victor staring at him.

 

Around an hour later, Jimmy, Dean and Victor were back in the precinct, in front of the board with Sonny. They had put every photos of the victims in three different columns. One with the three first victims the killer murdered, the ones he had sex with. The second column was the one with the two victims he only beat up before killing and Gordon. The third one was the three victims from that night.

He had killed nine people already, including an FBI agent. But he changed his m.o two times already.

"He wants us to know it's still him. He could have avoid being accused of this night's murders but he claimed them as his." Victor said, leaning against Jimmy's desk, his arms crossed on his chest.

"He's proud of his work." Jimmy mumbled, sitting on his chair and staring at the board. "He's not gonna let anyone else the possibility of being accused." He said. Sonny glanced at him.

"Why did he change his m.o, then?" He asked. Jimmy stood up, walking towards the board.

"Clearly, something happened in his life. It's changing and it makes him more violent and more confident." Jimmy said.

"He was less violent tonight than he had been with our two other vics." Dean said, not including Gordon who had only been shot and not beaten up.

"It's not a question of violence, Dean." Jimmy said.

"How do you know th-" Dean began to say.

"Let him talk." Victor said, interrupting him. Dean looked at him, pursing his lips as he crossed his arms too. He then looked at Jimmy again. This one was focused on the board.

"It's just a question of dominance. It wasn't sex. I was wrong about that. He had sex because that's what the time they spent together led to. But at some point, he stopped. Either because he didn't want to sleep with them, either because..." Jimmy said. It wasn't the first time he couldn't finish a sentence. He frowned as he closed his eyes. Why couldn't he find the right words? He couldn't even remember what he wanted to say.

"Because he has someone in his life." Victor said for him. Jimmy turned his head to stare at him during a few seconds before Dean made a remark about the fact sleeping with a psychopath was sick. "Yeah well, either this person is as sick as him, either this person doesn't know about his activities." Victor said.

"Still, he's a monster but he wouldn't sleep with someone just because he's... What, in love? Is that even possible for him?" Dean asked.

"Of course it's possible." Jimmy said as he wrote something on the board to indicate the killer might be in a relationship. Dean glanced at him, regretting his words. Jimmy was probably thinking about his father. Dean wasn't convinced about the love he apparently had for his family since he destroyed it but he never told Jimmy so. He'd rather let him think what Jimmy wanted to think. "And now, he killed three people in one night. He overcame them all and made them do what he wanted them to do. He totally changed his m.o and didn't let them just on the floor. He put thoughts and efforts in his work. He found what he wanted to do. Or he's just pleased enough with his life to finally show his true self."

"After all this time... After six victims and two other ways of killing them." Dean said, narrowing his eyes.

"It means that's he's more unpredictable than ever. And most dangerous too." Victor said.

Jimmy wrote that he was also in a good physical condition. He had to be, his victims were usually alpha males and tonight, not only there was an alpha male but two other persons he took care of. He moved them around the house and it probably took him a long time to do everything he did.

"Novak." Sonny said, looking at the cop. This one slowly turned his head towards his boss, still looking at the board for a few more seconds. Then, he finally stared at the Captain. "What do you think he wanted to do with them?" Sonny asked. "How do you interpret his actions?"

Jimmy pursed his lips. He knew that if he was saying what he was thinking, Victor would accuse Nick even more. He sighed.

"Like I said, it's about domination over alpha males. That's why he was way more violent with the father. That his eyes were still opened, that his throat was slit. And... I think he let him at the table and cooked for him to... Somehow say that he would rot like the meat because... He's not worth something else." Jimmy said. Sonny, Victor and Dean were staring at him, listening carefully. "For the son... He was laying on his bed, eyes closed and around things he liked. I'd say he wanted him to be... In peace. He made him smile on the photo even if he let us see his tears. Like he wanted him to keep up apparences in this mess." He said. "And finally, the mother... There was no trace of blood because of the water and I feel like it's what he wanted to happen. She was in the water because he wanted her to be conserved. Eyes closed, she didn't have any signs of violence on her body... I think he wanted her to look... Pure." He said.

He met Victor's eyes and cleared his throat.

"Or something like that." He said, looking down. He was suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

 

They kept on talking and making theories for a while but it was so late that they ended up calling it a night. But before Jimmy could go, Victor stopped him in front of the precinct.

"Novak, wait a minute." He said. Jimmy turned around, his jacket in one hand and his keys in the other.

"What is it?" He asked. Victor walked towards him.

"You impressed me today." He said, talking about the way he interpreted everything the killer did. It was helping a lot for the psychological profile. Jimmy frowned a bit.

"Look, I'm pretty sure I know what you're getting at and-"

"No, listen to me. Please." Victor said, interrupting him. "Of course, I want to talk about Nick. It seems to me like this murder proves it all. Everything matches. The apparences he wanted to keep up with the boy were the same he was trying to keep up for years. His mother commited suicide by slitting her wrists but he loved her, that's why the body had to be conserved and pure. And his father was an alpha male, violent and-"

"I asked you to stop doing that. Why do you keep bothering me?" Jimmy asked. Victor sighed.

"If he's so innocent, let me take his prints. And then I will stop bothering you." Victor said. Jimmy slowly shook his head as he sighed, looking down. "You can't avoid the similarities all your life, Novak. One day you will have to open your eyes." He said. Jimmy met his eyes as he gritted his teeth. He had nothing to say to him anymore.

"Without tangible proofs, you're not having any sample of his DNA. That's it." Jimmy said coldly. "He's not the only one with this kind of life. There are so much possibilities about this killer, we are going nowhere for now, so just... Just stop. I'm tired, Henriksen. I can't have this conversation with you everyday. It's always the same, over and over again." He said. He took two steps backwards. "I just can't." Jimmy said before he finally turned around.

 

_ㄨ_

 

Jimmy headed back to his apartment, tired. He unlocked the door, walking in as he yawned. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, sign that he got a message. He took it after he had removed his jacket and opened it to see that it was from Dean. Apparently, skin found under the father's nails were matching the DNA they already had from the killer. It was well and truly the same man for all those murders. But Jimmy wasn't surprised. None of them was.

He didn't answer, there was no need to. He removed his shoes and walked towards his bedroom. He opened the door only to find Nick sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Nick." He almost whispered. "You're not sleeping?" He asked. Nick slowly opened his eyes to look at Jimmy.

"No. I was waiting for you." He said. Jimmy swallowed his saliva, examining his boyfriend. He was probably there since a while. He was in a white t-shirt and pale pants like he was ready to go to sleep. Jimmy pursed his lips and silently walked towards the man as he was loosening his tie.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He knew Nick wasn't working that day so he wondered if he stayed there all night long. Nick took a deep breath, staring at Jimmy who was approaching. It made him raise his head a little as Jimmy was still standing up. "What is it?" He asked before he slowly leaned to kiss Nick's forehead, his hands resting on his cheeks.

"I don't know..." Nick mumbled. He opened his eyes again to look at Jimmy who was way closer now that he kissed his skin. Jimmy had the softest smile and the brightest eyes, even in the dark. It made Nick feel even better. It made him want to smile. "I really missed you." He said. Jimmy's smile got bigger and he leaned a bit more to kiss Nick.

Jimmy let his hand slowly move down on Nick's arms. Near his wrists, he felt something. Long and thin scratches. Jimmy broke the kiss and took Nick's hands in his own, holding them tight. He looked at his arms for a few seconds, merely distinguishing the marks. Then, he met Nick's eyes again.

Nick had a small smile and tried to slowly reach Jimmy's lips but this one didn't let him kiss him. Instead, he put one of his hands on his cheek to keep staring at him for a few seconds. It was like they were mentally conversing. Like Jimmy was mentally reassuring Nick. Then, he finally leaned for a long kiss, slowly climbing on Nick's lap as his arms went around Nick's neck to keep him close. Then, Nick slowly let his body fall backwards to lay on the matress, still kissing Jimmy until the latter broke the kiss.

"Well, I'm home now." Jimmy whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's a lot of revelations in this one, I really hope you like the turn this story is taking because it's a REALLY important chapter. It is for different reasons but mainly because of Jimmy's reaction at the very end. 
> 
> Feel free to tell me what you think about it, how you interpret Nick's thoughts, how you interpret Jimmy's reaction at the end, I always enjoy reading some feedbacks or theories and all. :)
> 
> And thanks for the kudos I had recently, I really appreciate. :)


End file.
